On conquering depression, or any other flaw which troubles the soul
My sister at Mishtown has been expanding into my philosophical turf for some time now, and with this quote by Andrew Solomon (whoever that is) has truly upstaged me:
“People around depressives expect them to get themselves together: our society has little room in it for moping. Spouses, parents, children, and friends are all subject to being brought down themselves, and they do not want to be close to measureless pain. No one can do anything but beg for help (if he can do even that) at the lowest depths of a major depression, but once the help is provided, it must also be accepted. We would all like Prozac to do it for us, but in my experience, Prozac doesn’t do it unless we help it along. Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don’t believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it’s good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason. These fortune-cookie admonitions sound pat, but the surest way out of depression is to dislike it and not to let yourself grow accustomed to it. Block out the terrible thoughts that invade your mind.”
As one who has trodden through the bleak, black wasteland of depression, so much of this quote rings true for me! Conquering depression is an act of faith like no other. It requires one to assess their current state and ability to feel and think, which are most likely horrifically impaired, and then, in courageous defiance to say “I don’t care. I am going to choose to believe otherwise, and I am going to move forward, and in the end, I am going to win.” Is such courage easy or inexpensive? No, it requires one to step into the dark of uncertainty and away from what is already known and which may even be comfortable, in spite of the unhappiness it brings. Yes, I am suggesting that things which make us unhappy may, paradoxically, also be or become more familiar and comfortable to us than the prospect of fighting against them. Solomon seems to imply this when he says “the surest way out of depression is to dislike it and not let yourself grow accustomed to it.” Although mental illness is just one of a host of conditions which may ail the human soul, I do not think it is too much of a stretch to say that this principle can be applied to most if not all other things about our characters or circumstances about which we feel inadequacy, dissatisfaction, or unhappiness.
Life is about faith, and faith, I think, is about having the courage to believe on the words of others who have gone before and had authentic experiences with the divine or the formerly unknown, and then individually having the courage and resolve to do likewise, even when a thousand voices cry out that doubt is so much more reliable and safe. In time, we will find that the effort, quite possibly even herculean, to believe, to do, and to persevere pays off in ways which previously were unimaginable.
Mercifully, there is never a point at which it is too late to choose this path!
Deep Beauty
In church today, we had a lesson on the divinity of women, and it was fantastic! We had a great discussion about a recent talk given by Elaine S. Dalton, in which she defines “deep beauty” as a
“kind of beauty that shines from the inside out. It is the kind of beauty that cannot be painted on, surgically created, or purchased. It is the kind of beauty that doesn’t wash off. It is spiritual attractiveness. Deep beauty springs from virtue. It is the beauty of being chaste and morally clean. It is the kind of beauty that you see in the eyes of virtuous women like your mother and grandmother. It is a beauty that is earned through faith, repentance, and honoring covenants.”
How very true! Thank you to all you wonderful women in my life who have and are developing this remarkable trait! You know who you are – and if you don’t know who you are, well, stop being so hard on yourself and recognize how good you are 
If Jack Handey WERE dead, this is how he would want to be remembered
Discovering these articles by Jack Handey in The New Yorker may just have been my most important discovery of this decade so far. Check this one out here.
Spring – a time for rebirth and renewed ambition
Well, spring time is finally upon us. And by us, I mean people who don’t live in Utah, because I understand things have been quite un-springlike there lately.
Over here in the East, however, we have finally left winter behind; Snowpocalypse 2010 is just a vague, strange memory. Now, the sun is shining. Plants are growing and sprouting new colors. Girls are looking mighty fine again. I find myself in a good mood when I go outside, and things no longer seem as dreary and crowded. Would I appreciate spring as much without winter and fall? Perhaps not. That said, I sure am grateful for spring!
I find my ambitions returning as well. This cannot be completely explained by the change of seasons – it also has to do with my own painstaking, gradual figuring-out of things. Gone are any serious plans of a nonprofit career (part of the problem was that I could not envision any “serious”, practical way of marketing my ideas. And that may be for the best) – at least in the forseeable future. Plans to scope out North Carolina are on hiatus for the time being, as I presently find myself more content with DC. I have finally decided to make my program concentration budget and public finance, and am looking forward to my first associated course, Governmental Budgeting, over the summer. I call this nerd-citement!
Now, I am looking for jobs, including government jobs, which I used to deliberately overlook as a matter of libertarian-ish pride; that’s a big step for me, especially since it will greatly increase my long-term chances for employment! I really, really look forward to being employed in some capacity which is a good fit for me. I recently hypothesized that my ability to move forward with dating and relationships will be greatly improved by a stable income and a more structured lifestyle to keep my curiosity, creativity, and aspirations more in check. As much as I love, and I mean love freedom, I also recognize that freedom without structure, commitment, and discipline is kind of a sham. If we willingly refuse our assent to all norms, standards, and expectations, we will inevitably find that we have in fact become enslaved by our appetites and passions instead.
Although more structure and more time spent in gainful employment is preferrable over all, I also look forward to being done with job searching so I can spend more time on more interesting things: learning to play drums and bass, getting people together to jam, playing Starcraft with buddies (oh wait, I do that already), playing with friends in general, starting a new blog (and making this one more private), updating my threads (income is essential for that!), putting together a discussion series on interesting topics, getting more exercise to shed some winter pounds – those are my big ones right now. Even without the job search weighing on me, I acknowledge that I probably won’t get around to all of these, which is probably just as well. I’m just happy to have renewed aspirations
Things even out
I was afraid that Jack Handey is dead, but -thank goodness!- as of March 3, 2008 he is still kickin! Check out his article at The New Yorker.
Assorted thoughts, courtesy of the health care bill
I stayed up late tonight watching the results of the health bill vote, and it got me thinking about a number of things:
-how rhtetoric factors into the political and policy process.
-the general reasons that rhetoric can be effective (usually because the target audience doesn’t have access to better information and/or a sound understanding of the relevant issues, but also because of emotional appeals)
-what does this health care bill actually do? I have a vague understanding, which I have acquired primarily from newspapers and news on TV, neither of which is beyond reproach. I sure haven’t read the bill, and the prospect of doing so makes me start to feel dizzy. Incidentally, I recently saw the world’s fastest speed reader go through the bill on live TV, and then summarize it (I only saw portions of the show, unfortunately). As I understand, the bill prohibits insurance companies from denying coverage for pre-existing conditions, eliminates life-time coverage limits, provides a way for all people to be insured (I don’t know exactly how, but apparently it’s not the public option), requires everyone to purchase insurance and, as with any good health care legislation, nationalizes the student loan industry. A more complete understanding is pending.
-I was blessed to have a very erudite father and a lively and intellectually-engaging family culture growing up, and currently have roommates who are renaissance men in their own rights. However, I think most people lack a forum where they can comfortably ask questions, seek understanding of confusing or complicated issues, and not have to worry that they are somehow being duped.
-because I want to start a nonprofit organization some day, and am constantly on the lookout for compelling ideas that are also sufficiently marketable, I wonder if I can somehow convert these ideas about rhetoric, persuasion, and complex or poorly understood issues into a viable nonprofit organization.
-along the same lines, if I were to pursue a course providing research, analysis, and communication of poorly understood and/or complicated issues, how could I make it work? For one, I would have to be, or to be able to become, knowledegable about relevant topics. Also, I would have to exude some sort of credibility, achieved by a fair-minded, thorough approach, as well as credentials (part of the persistent rationale for sticking with my grad program – I want to understand policy)
-thinking about how I can be considered credible, I recalled the range of college courses I have taken, and (here’s where I toot my horn) the intellectual curiosity which motivated me. Also, while searching for my contact lens after its unexpected exodus from my eyeball to the bathroom floor, it occurred to me that my current political understanding (admittedly incomplete, but not half-bad either, if I do say so myself) is almost completely self-taught, something of which I am quite proud. I have taken only two political science courses in my lifetime, both of which were more focused on specific areas (the international political economy of women, and urban policy problems) rather than providing a general framework for political thinking (that I mostly had to figure out myself, which again, I pride myself on).
-lastly, do people value being helped to understand current events and salient issues enough to pay for such a nonprofit? I have some doubts, but I don’t really know for sure, one way or the other.
For my dad, the economist
From time to time, I find myself actually interested in economics – these periods tend to coincide with when I am earnestly applying myself in whatever econ course I’m enrolled in at the time. Now is one of those times!
So, I searched for “iso-cost” on Google, and found this picture:
…ok, you got me, those are iso-quant curves, not iso-cost curves! Iso-quant curves follow different combinations of inputs which produce the same amount of output. If you think that’s boring, well, I was once like you
For more great econ fun, check out the blog where this picture originated: Jake Does Econ 101
On slums, hearts, and Ezra Taft Benson
“The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature.”
-Ezra Taft Benson
I really like this quote, and have spent much time thinking on the distinction President Benson makes between the Lord’s and the world’s modes of operation. This was especially true during last semester, where I was taking a course on urban policy problems. Rest assured, while there was much talk of slums and environment, there was absolutely zero discussion of the Lord or changed hearts. Attending a secular institution in a practically-minded field like public policy, I didn’t honestly expect that such “fuzzy” spiritual notions would enter the classroom; nevertheless, earnest discussion of such pressing issues feels woefully incomplete without acknowledgement of the unseen, yet profoundly pertinent spiritual aspects.
Anyway, I got to thinking about this most recently (i.e. about 30 minutes ago) while working on a paper. I would like to pose a question in the hopes of getting some responses:
Should we have any misgivings about moving people out of bad environments?
Or framed another way,
If people are stuck in a bad situation, should an outside observer be more concerned with trying to reform and repair the situation, or with extracting as many willing souls to higher ground as possible?
I know what Batman from “Batman Begins” would say, but the Old Testamant, Book of Mormon, and other standard works of the Church might suggest otherwise. Somewhat surprisingly, in the aforementioned class, it seemed like people did feel uneasy about the notion of extrication (in the context of moving poor inner city people to the suburbs for employment), probably because environmental reform seemed more equitable.
Thoughts on love, family, and North Carolina
For a while now, I have had long-term plans of checking out and quite possibly settling in the Research Triangle area of North Carolina. That area, between Durham, Raleigh, and Chapel Hill, is known for its high-tech industries and highly educated populace. As I see it, living there would be like living in DC, except that people would be friendly and not as absorbed in work, politics, and other things with which elites occupy their time. My hope is that it would also provide social opportunities with people more like myself (i.e. those who are intellectually curious and ambitious, but laid-back and easygoing). Yes, I am talking about dating as much as I am talking about making new friends. More, really 
Anyway, I haven’t actually been there yet, so this is all speculation based on a number of positive reports of the area. I have a roadtrip planned for next weekend, however, which will allow me to scope things out. Specifically, I will be trying to figure out if it is possible to transfer to one of the grad schools down there, and/or find a good job. As I like to put it, I’m not married to anyone, nor to DC, nor to George Washington University, so if I find a sufficiently appealing option elsewhere, I’ll take it!
I just finished talking to Tiff on the phone, and catching up on her blog. I learn good things from the examples of each of my family members, and one thing I always take from Tiff is the happiness that comes from parenthood (although she may be tempted to question such a perception). Single life is much easier than married/family life, I’m sure, but I know it is not as fulfilling, and far from the end-all of existence. Whenever I visit with family – especially when there are nieces and nephews involved – I feel like a dormant part of me comes alive again. Much of it has to do with love, I think. A life focused on meeting one’s own selfish needs is hardly a life at all, it seems. Real joy comes through putting others first, from living for others. My guess is that this kind of love comes about only in the most sacred of human relationships, those between husband and wife, and between parents and children.
During the Christmas holiday, Dad shared a quote by Dag Hammarskjöld (not a household name, but a wise man, nonetheless). He said:
It is more noble to give yourself completely to one individual than to labor diligently for the salvation of the masses.
I have thought much about this quote since Dad shared it with me. It is the kind of notion which flies in the face of conventional wisdom of single people like me (and yet, so unlike me!). If I ever brought it up in class, my peers would scratch their heads in bewilderment, and not just because I’m talking about Dag Hammarskjöld in an economics class To clarify, I am not against laboring “diligently for the salvation of the masses”, and I certainly do not think it ignoble. However, I am completely convinced that family life is more important than any other aspect of life, and I strongly suspect that to ignore and replace the impulse for family with other things, even very good things which help other people, is to miss the mark. Such a realignment may even be motivated by selfish reasons (fear is another plausible motivation). After all, a happy family comes about from hard work, self-sacrifice, humility, discipline – in other words, a happy family is costly, and not everyone is willing to pay such prices. I’m reminded of Leo Tolstoy’s keen observation in the beginning of Anna Karenina that “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Admittedly, I didn’t get very far into the book, but I interpret this to mean that the happiness of a family depends on the application of certain principles, and that the failure to discover, commit to, and apply such principles may very likely lead to the discovery of a unique brand of unhappiness! Some innovations should never be made, I say
So, to sum up, families and love are good, and North Carolina might be good too!
“Full Conversion Brings Happiness”
I’ve been studying and thinking about conversion lately, and I found this talk by Elder Richard G. Scott to be quite elucidating. Below is an excerpt:
“With characteristic doctrinal clarity and precision, President Marion G. Romney explained conversion:
“Converted means to turn from one belief or course of action to another. Conversion is a spiritual and moral change. Converted implies not merely mental acceptance of Jesus and his teachings but also a motivating faith in him and his gospel. A faith which works a transformation, an actual change in one’s understanding of life’s meaning and in his allegiance to God in interest, in thought, and in conduct. In one who is really wholly converted, desire for things contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ has actually died. And substituted therefore is a love of God, with a fixed and controlling determination to keep his commandments.”
To be converted, you must remember to apply diligently in your life the key words “a love of God, with a fixed and controlling determination to keep his commandments.” Your happiness now and forever is conditioned on your degree of conversion and the transformation that it brings to your life. How then can you become truly converted? President Romney describes the steps you must follow:
“Membership in the Church and conversion are not necessarily synonymous. Being converted and having a testimony are not necessarily the same thing either. A testimony comes when the Holy Ghost gives the earnest seeker a witness of the truth. A moving testimony vitalizes faith. That is, it induces repentance and obedience to the commandments. Conversion is the fruit or the reward for repentance and obedience.”
For more great insights and explanation, check out the entry in the Church’s gospel topics section.
