Charting a return to happiness
As suggested by the previous post and the change to a cheerier visual theme, I am attempting to shift the focus of my blog to happier things. I have recently decided that my life has more angst, indecision, and idle contemplation than is healthy or, more importantly, conducive to real happiness, the design of our existence; at any rate, such vagaries of mortality receive much more attention in my public declarations than is helpful for anyone.
…and to prove that I mean it, here’s a happy flower!
Gordon B. Hinckley, on optimism
Who could have felt gloomy or discouraged around a man such as this? No one – that’s who! 
“I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we “accentuate the positive.” I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort. I am not asking that all criticism be silenced. Growth comes of correction. Strength comes of repentance. Wise is the man who can acknowledge mistakes pointed out by others and change his course.
What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that so permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was prone to speak critically, my father would say: “Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve (from Ensign, Apr. 1986, 2–4).
Let us go forward in this glorious work. How exciting and wonderful it is. I do not know how anybody can feel gloomy for very long who is a member of this Church. Do you feel gloomy? Lift your eyes. Stand on your feet. Say a few words of appreciation and love to the Lord. Be positive. Think of what great things are occurring as the Lord brings to pass His eternal purposes. This is a day of prophecy fulfilled, … this great day in the history of this Church. This is the day which has been spoken of by those who have gone before us. Let us live worthy of our birthright. Keep the faith. Nurture your testimonies. Walk in righteousness, and the Lord will bless you and prosper you, and you will be a happy and wonderful people (from Ensign, Aug. 1996, 61).”
Link to full article here.
What’s on my mind lately
Nothing too profound this time around, just a little update for my dedicated blog-readers out there (I appreciate your loyalty, too!).
1) Grad school is so expensive! Counting up the costs and then determining how much money I’m going to need to borrow is stressing me out, especially because a good portion of what I’ll be borrowing will be unsubsidized loans, which accrue interest while I’m actually in school. Paying for interest while still in school! At the risk of sounding like yet another entitlement-expecting Generation Y-er, I have to ask myself, is this still America?
2) Related to #1 is this: in the long term, how will I become financially and intellectually independent? If possible (and I believe it is), I want to develop some sort of idea or expertise which will allow me to enjoy a high degree of independence. This is definitely a long-term goal, and in the short term I expect to put in a number of years working for the man for the sake of gaining experience and some measure of financial stability for myself and my theoretical family. Finance and energy seem to be promising areas which I will probably look into.
3) Speaking of theoretical families, the proper pursuit of ladies is a near-constant topic of inquiry for me. Recently, one of my best DC friends got engaged, and naturally it has gotten me thinking about my current and potential relationships with the fine Bryce-aged ladies of the DC area. Of course, even if my friend weren’t getting married, I’d still probably be thinking about this. However, his progression towards marriage has made my own future marriage seem more urgent and, thankfully, more possible!
One thing in particular I’ve been thinking about relationships lately is how crucial open and clear communication is. I think it would be an exaggeration to say that communication is the most important part of a relationship, but it definitely is a crucial component. Reflecting on certain of the very attractive (and I mean that in all senses of the word – certainly the physical, but also the spiritual, intellectual, social, and emotional) ladies I have met out here and the reasons why I have not moved forward with any of them, I recognize that communication issues offer much explanation. Ultimately, I do think principles such as sacrifice, service, humility, patience, faith and, of course, love are the most critical for the success of dating and marriage relationships. However, if the goal of a marriage is to become absolutely unified as one in righteousness, and I wholeheartedly affirm that it is, then communicating well with each other seems to be fundamental to such a noble endeavor as well. There are, as I see it, different communication styles largely intertwined with personality types, and a mismatch of communication styles between two otherwise excellent people is, sadly, unlikely to lead to a positive outcome.
I have also been wrapping my mind around the idea that my expectations for my future companion are probably too high and unrealistic. This is, I believe, where principles such as patience, sacrifice and love come in. For, to reference President Kimball’s very wise insight, although us single people will rightly seek out a person with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, it is nevertheless true that marital happiness and success is ultimately a matter of what price each person is willing to pay for it. In other words, there ain’t no free lunch when it comes to marriage, either. Being such a high-minded idealist, I have historically had very high expectations of my future wife. While I am not about to completely throw these ideals out just yet, I am willing to re-evaluate them, especially in light of my current dating options. And I am also becoming more comfortable with the idea that, let’s face it, I will never, ever find that perfect person, and I should expect that I will need to patiently adapt to whomever I do marry (and of course, she will have plenty of that to do in regards to me). Really, I just need to find someone who is very good inside (outside, too) and is a good match for me. The perfection part comes much, much later.
Hm. I didn’t intend to write as much as I did for #3, but perhaps some of you will consider such abundance of thought on marriage encouraging for my future 
Time for an awesome quote
So, I like to collect profound or otherwise impressive things people have said, and I am in favor of, in the words of a friend of mine, promulgating truth. So, without further ado (or is it adieu?), here is something Dr. Murdock, one of my favorite BYU professors, had to say about our educational and cultural pursuits (brace yourself for a quote within a quote):
“Some feel that if a movie or book does not leave them refreshed, uplifted, and joyous, it has no value but cankers their soul. Like monks in a monastery, they prefer to sever contact with the “world”. Consider the following prophetic comments concerning education and progression:
‘Shall I sit down and read the Bible, the Book of Mormon, and the Book of Covenants all the time?” says one. Yes, if you please and when you have done, you may be nothing but a sectarian after all. It is your duty to study to know everything upon the face of the earth in addition to reading those books. We should not only study good, and its effects upon our race, but also evil and its consequences.’
-Brigham Young, Journal of Discourses, 2:93-94″ (he also included some great quotes from Joseph Smith, which I’ll save for another time)
I think Dr. Murdock and Brother Brigham both make excellent points here. Obviously, one could take this sentiment too far, justifying willing exposure to ideas, events, and media which carry little value for the nourishment and enlightenment of the human soul and mind. However, if we shut ourselves in from the world completely, even if that means metaphorically, such as in keeping to our favorite circle of friends or neglecting to engage in civic society, I imagine that we will find ourselves missing out on fantastic opportunities to truly be the salt of the earth, helping spread much-needed good in the world. Simultaneously, we will find our own personal growth stunted.
But back to the original topic, I agree that there is value to becoming acquainted with kings, nations, principalities, history of things that have past and things to come, and so forth, and also to become acquainted with evil and its consequences (although I’m sure neither of the two was arguing for personally experiencing evil). The Book of Mormon, for instance, is absolutely filled with unhappy recollections of horrible things which befell people as they turned their backs on the Lord. You could call that the “Scared Straight” method of promoting obedience, or you could call it a simple warning and declaration of cause and effect. Either way, it is good to know the quality of life one can expect without God’s good graces.
…and, without any intended message of whether it is a worthwhile movie (I haven’t seen it yet), here is a picture of Star Trek to try and generate some hits
Copyright 2009 Paramount Pictures. All Rights Reserved
Fill in the ______
Another great search term. For zany fun, attach your own ending!
“Finding a black mormon is like finding a” _______.
Funny search terms
WordPress has a cool feature where it tells you what search terms have led people to your site. Here are the most funny/unusual ones I’ve seen so far (with comments):
-geddy’s lee’s views chairman mao
(Rush consistently rakes in the hits, but I had no idea that Geddy Lee, their bassist, had any views on the Chairman that were worth looking up)
-mormons good natured people
(I agree!)
-scary facts about mormons
(I’m sure they were led to this post, which no doubt was a disappointment, being, of course, pro-Mormon)
-rush/is/an/amazing/band
(no argument here)
-rush is the greatest band ever
(probably true, as well)
-brigham young work play sleep
-marriage wisdom
(as I am always seeking rather than dispensing this, I am sure the searcher was unsatisfied)
-funny last name scholarship
(the funny thing is that such scholarships do exist! If your last name is Van Valkenburg, prepare yourself for some serious cash!)
-hello kitty statue
-scholarships for mormons
(those would be nice, but I haven’t encountered any yet)
-church of jesus latter day saints bryce
(probably a pretty good church, but this one is even better)
-cuteness across cultures
(I’d be interested to see what else has been said on this topic)
-band rush and mormons
(…and also for this topic)
-do you think my personality is too callo
(did they mean “callow” or “callous”, I wonder?)
-musings of mormon
(yep, he had those)
-”cat sympathies”
(huh?)
-taylor hartman mormon
(yes, he is)
-where to find cute mormon guys
(there’s one right here)
Entrepreneurial stirrings
As I discussed in “A Manifesto”, I am eager to break into new, more fulfilling economic territory. Although it’s still much too early to say what I’d like to do specifically, being self-employed sounds extremely appealing to me. The past year and a quarter or so has provided some pretty good evidence that I just do not like working for “the man”. I really don’t think I like that guy! Actually, let me clarify: I don’t have anything against him personally, but I just don’t think I’m cut out to be his subordinate. I could, however, picture myself being one of his peers.
Right now, I’m looking for bright ideas, or specifically, I’m looking for unmet economic demands. What goods and services would people value enough to pay for? Despite our ailing economy, I bet there are still opportunities to meet such demands – perhaps such opportunities will even arise as a result of the economic downturn!
Funny characteristics you can get scholarships for
My search for scholarships on fastweb thus far has not yielded any awards. However, if I weren’t such an unremarkable left-handed, half-Chinese, libertarian-leaning, intellectually curious and creative Mormon from Oregon, and instead possessed the following characteristics, maybe I could get some sweet cash too:
Against the Death Penalty
Bilingual
Birth mother who has placed a child for adoption
Bisexual
Canadian Citizen
Clinically Overweight
Displaced Homemaker
Drug Conviction (Misdemeanor or Felony)
Farm, Raised On
Feminist
Foster Care Recipient
From Small Town <25,000 Population
Height: Women, 5′10″ or above; Men 6′2″ or above
Last Name Van Valkenburg
Mobile Home Park Resident
Parent
Parent of Multiples (Twins, Triplets, etc.)
Public Assistance Recipient
Public Housing Resident
Residence Hall Resident (Dormitory)
Student, One of Multiples (Twins, Triplets, etc.)
Transplant Candidate
Transplant Recipient
Undocumented Immigrant
Vegetarian
The Utility of Cute
Traditional gender roles discourage men’s open appreciation of cute things, and I think this is a shame and unnecessary. We all (women and men) have a tender, sensitive side, and a need to make candid, good-natured expressions of those tender feelings (this last part is essentially my definition of “cuteness”; if this seems too fuzzy, hopefully the remainder of my post will clarify what I mean*). Granted, personalities differ in their extent to which this is true – although there is probably no one who does not have some degree of appreciation for cuteness and its manifestations, I do think that such degrees vary widely between individuals**.
Never one to be easily pigeon-holed (or to conform to “unnecessary” expectations), I defy the classic male role a little bit in my appreciation for cute things. Ok, so some people probably think I take it too far (one friend, a reader of this blog actually – you know who you are -, mocked me for having a LOL cat application on my Facebook profile. And now it’s gone, although I still harbor LOL cat sympathies), and I take their opinions into consideration. Still, as far as I can tell there is no “true” and ideal cuteness preference – the conception and allowable degrees of “cute” differ across not only personalities but cultures as well (in Japan, for instance, my LOL cat appreciation would be standard fare, but I’d probably think their preference for cuteness is a bit too much***)
If you think that’s cute, check out this video at my sister’s blog. It’s probably the cutest movie ever made in the history of cute movies
As I see it, the cute is an extension of a good-natured love of life and people, which I consider an indispensable virtue and ingredient for a full and happy life, and something I would like to acquire more fully. As I have expressed several times before, I worry that living in DC is moving me further away from developing that enviable trait, good-natured love of life and people; the situation is complicated in part by the rigors of single life, concerns over future education and career, and the intrigues of dating (which in a way can be sort of like withholding love rather than increasing it – am I going about it the wrong way?).
My super-cute sister, Michelle, and her pet lizard Mo (short for “Mosiah”). This post is a great introduction to her (Michelle’s, not Mo’s) obvious cuteness and lovability. I find the “Five Lofty Aspirations” especially revealing (in a good way) and endearing.
Speaking again of gender roles, the onus of cuteness generally falls more on the side of women. Again, I think this is somewhat unnecessary and unfortunate. I can understand the reasoning behind expecting men to be strong, capable guardians and providers, and therefore expecting them to have their tender feelings (and thus cuteness**** or, more importantly, the good-natured love for life and people from which it springs) under wraps. I understand this, and believe me, I aspire to be such a strong, grounded man who can lead, protect, and provide for a family. Too often in practice, however, “keeping feelings under control” is actually “keeping feelings unspoken”. This is an important distinction, for the former typically views feelings as legitimate and inescapable facets of reality which can be controlled and even harnessed for good, whereas the former tends to view feelings as weaknesses and only relevant insofar as they can be minimized to better focus on the tasks at hand (a sort of out-of-sight-out-of-mind mentality which certainly has its merits, but can easily become a callous, even delusional head-in-the-sand approach if not kept in check).
On the flip side, and especially relevant for a place like DC, I suspect “cuteness” among women is more neglected here compared to other places. Lest I come across as an ungrateful, unduly negative naysayer, let me just openly admit that, in moving out to DC, I expected to see a tradeoff in cuteness for substance and strength among the ladies here, and in fact was seeking such a circumstance. For a number of reasons, I am attracted to girls (is that diminutive? I only mean “girl” in the sense that she is youthful like me. In substance, maturity, and character, I am looking for someone who is truly womanly) who are like valkyries (except the part about ushering dead men to the afterlife. I’m not quite ready for that yet). In other words, I am drawn to those who are strong in matters of principle and intellect, but who prefer and are well-suited to the role of compassionate nurturer and graceful protector and promoter of all things good and true. I am looking for someone who radiates not only strength of character and intellect but also tenderness, love, and a zest for life and the people in it – someone strong and able, yet approachable and warm, like my mom.
Three of my favorite people. I’m sorry I didn’t have a more flattering picture, Mom, but this is all I could find, and you do like to shop
Back to the original topic, I think cuteness is one of a number of manifestations of tenderness, love, and a zest for life and the people in it. Thus, it is an attractive quality for the deeper qualities it signifies. Although I appreciate and even to a degree admire ladies who are outwardly tough and capable, in the final analysis, I agree with Margaret Nadauld’s following remarks:
“Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.”
(Margaret D. Nadauld, “The Joy of Womanhood,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 14–16)
Hypothetically, if I am correct about the roots from which cuteness springs, then it would be manifested among ladies who seek to follow the above counsel. Among LDS ladies, this is very much the case! Nevertheless, in a dreary, power-conscious place like DC, I would appreciate even more cuteness, but that is just me – I recognize that this is very largely a matter of preference, stemming from differences in personality, upbringing, and aspiration. But as for myself, I really appreciate cute and want more of it!
My final remark: I admittedly have plenty of room for improvement in developing whatever the male equivalent of cuteness is. Also, for all my talk of the “perfect woman”, I am well-aware that such an ideal woman, if ever encountered in this life, would certainly have little interest in this guy
*my dad, ever the voice of reason, suggested that words like “childlike” and “charming” offer a much simpler definition of “cute”, but for the purposes of this post, I’m going to stick with my more convoluted definition. Lucky you!
**and this wouldn’t be a true Bryce personality observation without some comment on DC culture! Cuteness is a neglected virtue here. People here care a lot about self-consciously defending power and reputation, maintaining appearances, and keeping weaknesses locked up tightly (as if their existence can truly be hidden. Even in the conscious act of hiding them, we cannot help but unconsciously betray the fact that we have them). Good-naturedness, already too rare a trait, is almost entirely absent. It’s sad, isn’t it? And yet, the people for whom such a description is most fitting seem to be quite ignorant of their deficiency – which is great for them, not so great for the rest of us who must live and work with them :-/
***although their penchant for cute serves an important function for the Japanese psyche, I think. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, or however the phrase goes – and the Japanese are hardly known for their lack of hard-work (c’mon, 6-day work weeks?! Doesn’t that violate some human right somewhere?). Without things like these
I imagine the Japanese would be faring quite poorly emotionally and economically. Look at the happy lady on the left – Hello Kitty is obviously doing something right! Yep, I just suggested that the world’s largest Hello Kitty statue is contributing to improving the general well-being of Japan. And I stand by that.
****you know, now that I think about it, “cuteness” doesn’t at all sound like it should ever be a masculine trait. It just sounds wrong. I do think there is an appropriate masculine analog to the feminine notion of “cuteness”, but I’m not sure what it should be called. Any ideas?
Where the happiness is
Just as I thought – things are happier out in the West! According to an extensive survey on well-being conducted by Gallup in connection with Healthways and America’s Health Insurance Plans, Utah, Hawaii, Wyoming, Colorado and Minnesota (go Kyle, you happy man!) top the list of happiest states, with West Virginia sulking at the very bottom (poor WV!). I wonder where Oregon, known for its gloomy weather, ranks? Also, I wonder about the findings for northern Virginia – I, for one, am not too happy about the living costs nor the culture of intensity and ambition (ok, this does appeal to me, but probably to a lesser extent than many others), but it’s quite possible that things really aren’t as bad as I sometimes think they are; behind all those stoic and somber faces I see every day may lie some truly exuberant spirits! (and I’ll admit, my conception of outward expressions of happiness may need to be expanded. One can be satisfied with life overall without necessarily wanting to shout it from the rooftops, as is my inclination)
Another interesting finding – but not really, because it almost goes without saying – was that wealth and happiness were highly correlated. This is yet another reason why I don’t want to be poor the rest of my life
