Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Human Relationships category.
The Utility of Cute
Traditional gender roles discourage men’s open appreciation of cute things, and I think this is a shame and unnecessary. We all (women and men) have a tender, sensitive side, and a need to make candid, good-natured expressions of those tender feelings (this last part is essentially my definition of “cuteness”; if this seems too fuzzy, hopefully the remainder of my post will clarify what I mean*). Granted, personalities differ in their extent to which this is true – although there is probably no one who does not have some degree of appreciation for cuteness and its manifestations, I do think that such degrees vary widely between individuals**.
Never one to be easily pigeon-holed (or to conform to “unnecessary” expectations), I defy the classic male role a little bit in my appreciation for cute things. Ok, so some people probably think I take it too far (one friend, a reader of this blog actually – you know who you are 
-, mocked me for having a LOL cat application on my Facebook profile. And now it’s gone, although I still harbor LOL cat sympathies), and I take their opinions into consideration. Still, as far as I can tell there is no “true” and ideal cuteness preference – the conception and allowable degrees of “cute” differ across not only personalities but cultures as well (in Japan, for instance, my LOL cat appreciation would be standard fare, but I’d probably think their preference for cuteness is a bit too much***)
If you think that’s cute, check out this video at my sister’s blog. It’s probably the cutest movie ever made in the history of cute movies
As I see it, the cute is an extension of a good-natured love of life and people, which I consider an indispensable virtue and ingredient for a full and happy life, and something I would like to acquire more fully. As I have expressed several times before, I worry that living in DC is moving me further away from developing that enviable trait, good-natured love of life and people; the situation is complicated in part by the rigors of single life, concerns over future education and career, and the intrigues of dating (which in a way can be sort of like withholding love rather than increasing it – am I going about it the wrong way?).
My super-cute sister, Michelle, and her pet lizard Mo (short for “Mosiah”). This post is a great introduction to her (Michelle’s, not Mo’s) obvious cuteness and lovability. I find the “Five Lofty Aspirations” especially revealing (in a good way) and endearing.
Speaking again of gender roles, the onus of cuteness generally falls more on the side of women. Again, I think this is somewhat unnecessary and unfortunate. I can understand the reasoning behind expecting men to be strong, capable guardians and providers, and therefore expecting them to have their tender feelings (and thus cuteness**** or, more importantly, the good-natured love for life and people from which it springs) under wraps. I understand this, and believe me, I aspire to be such a strong, grounded man who can lead, protect, and provide for a family. Too often in practice, however, “keeping feelings under control” is actually “keeping feelings unspoken”. This is an important distinction, for the former typically views feelings as legitimate and inescapable facets of reality which can be controlled and even harnessed for good, whereas the former tends to view feelings as weaknesses and only relevant insofar as they can be minimized to better focus on the tasks at hand (a sort of out-of-sight-out-of-mind mentality which certainly has its merits, but can easily become a callous, even delusional head-in-the-sand approach if not kept in check).
On the flip side, and especially relevant for a place like DC, I suspect “cuteness” among women is more neglected here compared to other places. Lest I come across as an ungrateful, unduly negative naysayer, let me just openly admit that, in moving out to DC, I expected to see a tradeoff in cuteness for substance and strength among the ladies here, and in fact was seeking such a circumstance. For a number of reasons, I am attracted to girls (is that diminutive? I only mean “girl” in the sense that she is youthful like me. In substance, maturity, and character, I am looking for someone who is truly womanly) who are like valkyries (except the part about ushering dead men to the afterlife. I’m not quite ready for that yet). In other words, I am drawn to those who are strong in matters of principle and intellect, but who prefer and are well-suited to the role of compassionate nurturer and graceful protector and promoter of all things good and true. I am looking for someone who radiates not only strength of character and intellect but also tenderness, love, and a zest for life and the people in it – someone strong and able, yet approachable and warm, like my mom.
Three of my favorite people. I’m sorry I didn’t have a more flattering picture, Mom, but this is all I could find, and you do like to shop
Back to the original topic, I think cuteness is one of a number of manifestations of tenderness, love, and a zest for life and the people in it. Thus, it is an attractive quality for the deeper qualities it signifies. Although I appreciate and even to a degree admire ladies who are outwardly tough and capable, in the final analysis, I agree with Margaret Nadauld’s following remarks:
“Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.”
(Margaret D. Nadauld, “The Joy of Womanhood,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 14–16)
Hypothetically, if I am correct about the roots from which cuteness springs, then it would be manifested among ladies who seek to follow the above counsel. Among LDS ladies, this is very much the case! Nevertheless, in a dreary, power-conscious place like DC, I would appreciate even more cuteness, but that is just me – I recognize that this is very largely a matter of preference, stemming from differences in personality, upbringing, and aspiration. But as for myself, I really appreciate cute and want more of it!
My final remark: I admittedly have plenty of room for improvement in developing whatever the male equivalent of cuteness is. Also, for all my talk of the “perfect woman”, I am well-aware that such an ideal woman, if ever encountered in this life, would certainly have little interest in this guy
*my dad, ever the voice of reason, suggested that words like “childlike” and “charming” offer a much simpler definition of “cute”, but for the purposes of this post, I’m going to stick with my more convoluted definition. Lucky you!
**and this wouldn’t be a true Bryce personality observation without some comment on DC culture! Cuteness is a neglected virtue here. People here care a lot about self-consciously defending power and reputation, maintaining appearances, and keeping weaknesses locked up tightly (as if their existence can truly be hidden. Even in the conscious act of hiding them, we cannot help but unconsciously betray the fact that we have them). Good-naturedness, already too rare a trait, is almost entirely absent. It’s sad, isn’t it? And yet, the people for whom such a description is most fitting seem to be quite ignorant of their deficiency – which is great for them, not so great for the rest of us who must live and work with them :-/
***although their penchant for cute serves an important function for the Japanese psyche, I think. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, or however the phrase goes – and the Japanese are hardly known for their lack of hard-work (c’mon, 6-day work weeks?! Doesn’t that violate some human right somewhere?). Without things like these
I imagine the Japanese would be faring quite poorly emotionally and economically. Look at the happy lady on the left – Hello Kitty is obviously doing something right! Yep, I just suggested that the world’s largest Hello Kitty statue is contributing to improving the general well-being of Japan. And I stand by that.
****you know, now that I think about it, “cuteness” doesn’t at all sound like it should ever be a masculine trait. It just sounds wrong. I do think there is an appropriate masculine analog to the feminine notion of “cuteness”, but I’m not sure what it should be called. Any ideas?
You Can’t Control for Happiness
I seem to be entering a new phase in my interpersonal relationships here in DC, and I like it. Perhaps it is not a new phase so much as an old phase revisited after having acquired greater insight and maturity through experience. Either way, I think I can best summarize the new emphasis in this way: chill out and enjoy life and the people around you. In large part, this shift has been possible because of the friendships I’ve been able to form with my neighbors, who are a great bunch of girls. Associating with them helps me be a better and happier person, plus their house is a lot less ghetto than mine. In a way, it is like having a family again – although incomplete, there are discernible parallels, for which I am very grateful. I feel that my social life in DC up until now has been more solitary and self-centered than is healthy, but it is starting to turn around as I am now able to enjoy a greater sense of community.
This city seems to attract people who are preoccupied with being in control, and mostly sub-consciously. I don’t necessarily mean self-control, which I think is a virtue, but rather being in control of all situations, the desire to be the one pulling the strings instead of the one whose strings are pulled. I do not think this inclination is all bad, and certainly I think it is understandable for all who live in this dangerous and uncertain fallen world. Nevertheless, I think preoccupation with being in control stunts our personal growth and curbs our happiness, and I think it is something we all grapple with to one degree or another.
I think preoccupation with control is a particular hindrance for developing healthy interpersonal relationships and sharing the gospel (two things which are closely related and, as I see it, require many of the same skills and attributes for success). Both require a sincere sharing of thoughts and feelings in a context of respect and love. Also, both must be done with a respect for individual choice, and certainly cannot be forced. It seems to me that love, openness of thought and feeling, and a respect for the freedom to choose can clash very much with being in control. However, ultimately the fruits of the former are so much sweeter than the fruits of the latter. Yet, relinquishing control in these two areas of life, as necessary, is easier said than done. It requires patience, trust, and a certain calm inner strength and confidence which can seem quite elusive (but is, fortunately, even more attainable in this life than we may realize). Also, it requires that we put forth an effort to offer something precious and valuable (our friendship or the gospel) without expectations for recompense or fear of failure. In other words, that we give people an opportunity to act and accept an invitation, that we do the right thing, without worrying too much about the consequences.
Anyway, these are just a few of my abstract thoughts on the matter. What do you think?
Be Nice to Introverts
My sister at Mishtown recently posted a link to an article in the Atalntic, Caring for Your Introvert. It will probably remind you of people you know – or it might even end up describing yourself!
I liked the article and thought is was generally correct about a number of things. However, I think there is much more to personality than just introversion and extroversion (in fact, this is a dead horse I feel I have beaten again and again on this blog and in conversation, so I will try to make my comments here brief). Take myself for instance. Introverts probably comprise the majority of my closest friends, as well as probably three quarters of my immediate family*, and, while I have a surprising capacity for being friendly and upbeat, overall I am also an introvert (about 60%, I’d say). But it’s tricky – I really like people, and in the right circumstances I find interaction with them to be quite energizing, fulfilling, and fun. I also have a habit – which I’m sure many find perplexing if not annoying – of thinking out loud. Nevertheless, I think at my core I am an introvert. However, I do take some issue with the author’s assertion that introversion is an immutable orientation. Or rather, what I really take issue with is the temptation to conclude that, because introversion is innate, people are thus incapable of adapting and even changing**. And of course, this is very similar to the objection I most hear about these personality theories – that they reduce people into overly-simplistic caricatures incapable of adaptation and growth. I think this criticism is somewhat deserved, but I also think these theories (certain of them, that is) can at least offer some sort of threshold for understanding and appreciating the differences among us in the present.
*Aside from Mom and Tiff, probably everyone, including spouses, huh?
**not that I am the undisputed life of the party, but you’d better believe I wasn’t always as outgoing and confident in social situations as I am now. My mission in particular did wonders for helping me become more outgoing, as did simply gaining confidence about myself and my abilities during my college years.
The value of play
“Life is best enjoyed when time periods are evenly divided between labor, sleep, and recreation…all people should spend one-third of their time in recreation which is rebuilding, voluntary activity, never idleness.”
-Brigham Young
On the surface, this advice sounds both appealing and quite reasonable. Then I thought, “Wait, does he mean that if we’re not working or sleeping we ought to be playing? For 8 hours?!”* To better understand, a definition of “recreation” is clearly needed, or else more insight into the historical and cultural context in which Brother Brigham was speaking. But whatever he exactly meant by “recreation” (I think it could mean a number of things), it is clear that he considered it as important as work and sleep. The exact proportions prescribed by Brigham may be near-impossible to arrange in today’s working world – both recreation and sleep have been increasingly sacrificed for more time at the office or in commute, and seriously, there seems to be about a hundred non-recreative tasks pulling at us when we’re not sleeping or working (although that may be of our own doing to some degree or another). Nevertheless, the main idea behind the quote -that sleep, work, and play should be kept in balance for a happy and productive life – is still very applicable. For a guy who is fairly ambitious and driven but also wary of missing out on opportunities to ponder, laugh, relax, serve, converse, and otherwise build and enjoy relationships with others**, this advice is especially encouraging.
Recently, I have been thinking about the function that laughter, humor, and play serve in my life. Although it is closely related to laughter, I think humor deserves its own separate discussion another time, because its role seems to be more ubiquitous and subtle, so I will focus just on the other two. I think that laughter and play help fulfill a number of practical purposes for me, from greasing the wheels of (in some cases awkward) social situations, to facilitating the creation and deepening of relationships, to maintaining a healthy, optimistic perspective on life. However, and thankfully so, laughter and play are also very recreative for me***. I agree with Brigham that recreation is “rebuilding” (in fact, I just looked up the definition of “recreation” and -duh!- it literally means to re-create), it regenerates us, freshens our spirits, and helps us be the kinds of people others would actually want to spend time with. It almost goes without saying that my preferred brand of recreation, fun and play, can be overdone, or else done in the wrong way (the above quote seems to suggest that it ought to be conscious and purposeful, not just a withdrawal from activity), and thus deserves some discipline and consideration. When handled correctly, however, I think laughter and play are some of the most sublime manifestations of the joy we are meant to experience in this life (see 2 Nephi 2:25).****
And now on a more personal note, today I ran into a post on 1000 Awesome Things (which, btw, is a blog title and idea which makes me jealous I didn’t think of it first) talking about classic board games, and it got me thinking about all the good times I’ve had with family and friends. Here are a few that stick out in my mind:
1) Playing Dance With Intensity, the open source PC knock-off of Dance Dance Revolution. Certain friends, such as the Brymers, have at times joined us in getting our dance on. “Peanut Butter & Jelly” and the Lemming Song will always have a special place in my heart (and, uh, feet?). You guys remember those? What were some other good ones?
2) Playing Boggle competitively. Now, the athleticism genes passed over us Goodwin kids for the most part (my humble claim to athletic ability is that I can play a pretty good game of racquetball, but I’m no master, nor do I love it). When it comes to board games, though, that’s where our nerdy competitive spirit comes out. I like to think that I pretty much clean house whenever we play Boggle, although my brother Bob has always been a worthy opponent (just thinking about his gleeful discovery of “nabob” still makes me chuckle).
3) Playing assorted brainy Bob-games. The Provo branch of the Goodwins/Larsens sure had a heyday with such great games as Puerto Rico, Carcasonne, Bang!, and Ra for that year or so we were together. I love how we had to plan our game-playing around Ellie’s sleep schedule on account of all those delicious-looking pieces! I also love pretending I can pronounce Italian words. Also, Pixie Pete is cheap.
4) The isolated game of Monopoly where I stayed in jail for turns on end to avoid losing money. Things were getting pretty hairy towards the end of that game, so I considered it good fortune to be sent to jail – and even better fortune to get away with spending turn after turn, well beyond the 3-turn maximum, safe behind prison bars. I loved feigning disappointment as, yet again!, I failed to roll doubles. Eventually someone, I think Scott, caught on, and I was punished with liberation. But I still look back on that as a moment of great gaming triumph in my life
What are some others I’ve missed? Please share!
*LDS footnote: obviously, I place a higher priority on the counsel of living prophets, but of course I think wisdom can be gleaned from figures of the past as well.
**in fact, these may be the ways in which I personally define “recreation”
***this is somewhat odd, since, overall, I am more of an introvert than an extrovert – something I plan to address in my next post.
****I can’t help but think of children when I talk of laughter, play, and joy. The fact that children seem most apt at laughter and play is a large part of the reason I think they are wonderful. The joy they seem to bring to their parents makes the work, occasional frustration, and sacrifice well, well worth it in the end – not to mention that parenthood in itself is perhaps the most noble calling one may have in this life, and thus worthwhile in its own right.
Hero Worship
[This one is pretty long, and might seem a little boring or irrelevant to the casual reader. But if you're curiosity's piqued, please read on!]
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. For some reason, in fact, in the mornings I sometimes find myself waking up and thinking, practically first thing, “Man, I should really write about hero worship!” Here’s how I think it started:
I recently began interning at a think tank, where I work in close proximity with some pretty prominent people. Among the list of people I would love to meet while there are Newt Gingrich, Christina Hoff Sommers, and Greg Mankiw (whose econ textbook I found so enjoyable that I forewent a pretty generous sell-back price to keep it). The other day, while helping stuff envelopes for an event (a very glamorous task), I encountered some other famous names you’d definitely recognize if you ever watched the news.* Now, it’s pretty easy to get drunk on the thrill of celebrity (or, in my case, mere distant association to celebrity), but for me, at least, the intoxication is relatively short-lived and unfulfilling.** As Peggy Noonan recently wrote in the Wall Street Journal, even US presidents are merely men: “We hire them, we fire them, they come back for photo-ops. They’re not magic.”***
Nevertheless, there seems to be a common yearning for heroes and leaders. There is an apparent demand for people who will show us the way, those we can look up to with admiration and expectation. On such people, we seem to place our hopes – hopes of deliverance from our difficulties, from danger, insecurity, our own weakness and shortcomings, purposelessness, loneliness. I do not think this yearning for leaders is inappropriate – in fact, I think it is a very natural by-product of our experience as mortals separated from our Heavenly Father. However, I think it is important, as Peggy Noonan has suggested, not to place undue expectations on people who are, notwithstanding their great talents and accomplishments as leader and role models, still just people. Furthermore, we ought to be careful not to divest ourselves of personal accountability and place it on the shoulders of these “great people”; their role ought to be to aid and encourage us and not, with one very notable exception, to save us.
That said, I’d like to laud certain people who have made, and continue to make, a huge and positive impact in my life, who have earned my admiration and inspired me to greater heights. This is not an exhaustive list – I’ve been abundantly blessed with countless wonderful people who have left their mark in my life, but these are the ones that stand out most clearly. “They’re not magic,” but by small means they have done great things for me.
1) Dr. Michael Murdock: one of the best teachers I’ve ever had, and certainly one of the more strangely charismatic ones. Despite his huge intellect and exacting academic standards, behind the layers Dr. Murdock is generous and, although it may surprise some, quite gentle and kind. He helped me make big improvements in my thinking and writing (still plenty of room for improvement though!), and helped me discover that I really like history after all. Also, he went beyond the call of duty by being a very patient listening ear as I tried to chart my academic course.
2) Dr. Edwin Gantt: he did a great service for me, and continues to do a great service for the students of BYU by teaching psychology from a perspective that takes religion (particularly, but not exclusively, the religion of the Latter-day Saints) seriously. This is an uncommon practice in the social sciences, especially psychology. Along with Dr. Slife, another great professor, he helped me recognize the assumptions and perspectives (certain of which are tragically misleading, if not spiritually dangerous) currently prevalent in the behavioral sciences, and to recognize some alternative views and assumptions which are just as viable. With insight, enthusiasm, and a great sense of humor, Dr. Gantt is helping prepare LDS scholars to enter the professional world without compromising their membership in the kingdom.****
3) Bishop Kerry Morgan: it seems like he was my bishop in Oregon for a long time, but I think that is because he was a true and loving friend to me in- and outside of his tenure as bishop. He is a true Christian who has gone the extra mile for me and countless others.
4) Dr. Valerie Hudson: she, along with Dr. Bowen, another wonderful woman, not only introduced me to the complex, fascinating world of women’s issues but also to political science (I had never taken a Poli Sci course before taking theirs). Thankfully, they did it in a way that was bold and forthright, yet thoughtful, loving, and full of faith. Dr. Hudson is a big hero(ine) in my eyes – not just because she is kicking butt on a regular basis to improve the lives of women and children around the world, but because that is not even close her first priority, but rather secondary to her cherished role as a wife and mother. She has continued to work and teach not because she prefers it to the work of home and family, but unselfishly and for a different reason entirely. One who champions womanhood institutionally and especially in the home earns a place at the top of my list. Which takes me to my next person…
5) My beloved Mom! She is such a delightful, wonderful woman, that merely talking to her on the phone refreshes my spirits and gladdens my heart! Intensely and lovingly committed to her children, it would be impossible for me not to love her in return. She has been a tremendous source of strength and encouragement in my life. My mom is a born leader with an iron will (she’s mellowed out over the years, fortunately) and a heart of gold who finds her greatest joy in serving others. I was truly born of goodly parents – the other of whom is…
6) My Dad! I do not know a wiser, more intelligent man than my dad, nor one who is also as gentle and kind (if that is what fatherhood does to a man, then I want in!). Very often, my dad contributes a voice of incomparable reason to dispel confusion in my life and help me maintain my most important priorities. He’s done his best to shape me into a man (one can only do so much), and has taught me by word and deed to sacrifice for and unselfishly love his family. As a father, he has exemplified righteous priesthood leadership “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy” (see Doctrine & Covenants 121:41-44).
7) Joseph Smith, Jr.: some people have built entire careers out of trying to assassinate this man’s character (and indeed, his message was and is a bold one, which some find threatening), but for me, it is exactly his character that I admire so much. I like to think that he and I share similar dispositions. A study of Joseph Smith’s life reveals him to have been, from an early age, prone to serious and sober reflection on the questions of the soul, yet endowed with a “native cheery temperament”. He possessed a unique blend of intellectual and spiritual depth and purpose and a certain earthy affability; some, expecting the austere demeanor of a Moses from a prophet of God, were unpleasantly surprised to find Joseph quite too approachable and gregarious upon first meeting him. Joseph Smith was no brooding introvert, nor was he merely a charismatic people-person – he was a courageous, self-sacrificing leader and prophet, entrusted with a sacred work and responsibility, but brimming with a love of all people and an eagerness for the company and well-being of all who were friends. I do not wish to stretch the comparison between he and I too far -certainly, I am not Joseph Smith-, but I see facets of myself, undeveloped as I am, in him. That gives me comfort and encouragement when I feel alone, uncertain, or misunderstood, but perhaps more importantly, it gives me an example to follow as I seek to grow.* (x5)
…and lastly, but most significantly,
8 ) Jesus Christ: All that is good and noble comes through Him. I have never met Him, and yet I see and feel His influence all around me – not always, and perhaps not even most of the time, but I have an assurance that He is closely involved in the details of our lives, whether or not we sense it (the trick, of course is to do our part to better sense and invite Him into our lives). He is my Savior and friend, who makes it possible for me to be cleaned, forgiven, and refined, shaped into someone new and holy. He has the power to heal us of all our infirmities and weaknesses, in the proper time and by the proper processes. His promises are sure: if we will simply trust and follow Him, we will have joy and ultimately eternal life. In the end, there is nothing as important as trusting and following Jesus Christ. I love Him, I want to be like Him, and I want to be with Him. He is my hero.
*One more (very distant) claim to fame: yesterday, thanks to a tip-off from a co-worker, I was able to see Mitt Romney through a cafe window, talking excitedly with some important-looking guys.
**Perhaps if I were truly closer to the action and prestige, and not just a distant intern, it would be harder to shrug off. But really, I haven’t had any substantial brushes with fame, and if I did, they would probably be pretty low-key and relatively unremarkable over all.
***My favorite quote from the article, in regards to a recent presidential photo-op: “Did you notice how they all leaned away from Jimmy Carter, the official Cootieman of former presidents? It was like high-school students to the new girl: “You can’t sit here, we’re the Most Popular table.”
****see “Some Thoughts on the Gospel and the Behavioral Sciences” by Neal A. Maxwell.
* (x5) For some very accessible insights and information on the life and teachings of Joseph Smith, see Joseph Smith the Prophet and The Life and Teachings of the Prophet Joseph, both by Truman G. Madsen.
In search of good conversation
Let it be known: I really like hearty conversation. Unfortunately, for some reason it is very hard to find in this world.
So, today on the way home from work on the train, I was fortunate enough to have a nice, friendly, and surprisingly satisfying conversation. Here’s what happened:
I was sitting behind a girl that I thought was pretty, but she was reading a book. Past experience trying to talk with people, especially pretty girls, reading things on the train has made me a little wary of trying to strike up conversation, as their motivation for reading is usually some combination of a) they are really digging their book and b) they don’t want to talk to you or anyone else (although it might be just you exclusively)*. Anyway, I kept trying to muster up the courage and boldness to talk with her, but in a way that wasn’t too bothersome (somehow being pleasantly bold is, I feel, the great challenge of approaching strangers), and just couldn’t do it. She was reading a book about flowers and looked like she was really into it**.
So my eyes started to wander in search of something I could comment on to bring up some conversation, with the book-reading girl or someone else (it’s really helpful to have some sort of neutral object or happening to comment on to start up conversation). Across the aisle, I saw a woman in uniform with a Seattle Seahawks lunchbox – I was born in Seattle and grew up in Portland! This was the “in” I was waiting for!
As soon as she turned in my direction to look at something, I asked if she was from the Pacific Northwest. It turned out she was and, because she was friendly, open, interested in talking, and we had interesting topics to discuss (east coast vs. west coast culture, her military experience, and her lunchbox), a very pleasant conversation ensued. In fact, the conversation just flowed, without any awkward pauses to speak of (an uncommon treat!). Soon enough, her stop came, and our conversation ended, on a rushed, albeit positive, note. I seriously doubt I’ll ever see her again, but I hope both she and I will have many more such pleasant encounters with people.
Afterwards, it left me wondering, with gratitude and curiosity rather than wistfulness and disappointment, why such seemingly chance but fulfilling interactions are so rare***? And why, when they do happen, are they so distinctly enjoyable? Perhaps they are a tender mercy shown to me by the Lord, who knows how much I love and appreciate being engaged with people and understands how deeply I experience the absence or deficiency of human contact and interaction. Any thoughts or related experiences, friends?
*One experience in particular sticks out in my mind – I saw a not-unattractive girl reading “Freakonomics” and I thought “Cool, that girl likes economics, she must be smart! And I’ve read that book, so I have an in!” Pleasantly but not without some boldness, I asked how she liked the book – she gave me a very brief, nondescript response, and as I hadn’t read the book in quite some time and she didn’t give me much to work with , I couldn’t come up with any sort of interesting comment to keep the interaction going. So it ended. Truthfully, I think she really wanted to read her book and really didn’t want to talk to me.
**Part of me wondered if her apparent absorption in her book was somewhat self-consciously affected because of the mysteriously handsome half-Asian guy eying her and her book from the seat behind. The egoist in me thinks that is precisely what it was
***unfortunately, they seem especially rare among the exceptionally pretty girls, which makes my chances of wooing and marrying an exceptionally pretty girl pretty slim (that, and many other reasons of course).
Mormons are scary
(I’ve got to put this to words before my memory fades. And then I’ve got to cram for the GRE)
I like the organization I am currently working for, and especially enjoy working with the great people there. Sometimes, though, I get a kick out of the funny things that happen when people realize that my opinions and beliefs are not as mainstream as they had assumed. By “mainstream” I mean, in general, (and this is not to disparage anyone in particular – I really do love my co-workers and the organization! – but just to make an observation) politically liberal-leaning and vaguely irreligious; I, myself, am relatively more conservative, (moderate, really), and passionately religious. I usually, but not always, keep a pretty low profile about politics and religion at work (although it is only very rarely that I feel my beliefs are actually somewhat under fire. Again, I work with some really great, caring people), although I deeply value those deep and sincere relationships I have been able to form so far with certain co-workers which are amenable to discussions on such subjects (even if we happen to disagree, fundamentally, even). Truly, I think politics and, more importantly, religion could be so much less taboo in public if people approached them with more open-mindedness, understanding, and restraint, and fewer preconceptions and prejudices. This is not something I have perfected yet by any means (my dear agnostic brother once characterized me as the most aggressive theist he knew, which I don’t think he meant as a compliment ) , but it is a true treat when two comparably respectful, open-minded people are able to connect and find common ground on matters of spirit, truth, and love. Really, I think that is what life is all about. Lest I equivocate, however, I must make it known that those same principles of spirit, truth, and love are found with greatest clarity and abundance in the restored gospel of Jesus Christ; they are not found there exclusively, but are found there with greatest clarity and abundance.
But back to my original topic. We had a pizza party today to celebrate the birthday of one of our co-workers. I have to admit, my opinion of lawyers has improved immensely from working where I do. I think public interest law tends to attract the kinds of lawyers that I would consider “cool” and pleasant to work with. Anyway, one of the things I enjoy about these lawyers (I’m sure this is true of most lawyers) is that they are very knowledgeable about the cogs of the great machine we call society, and I enjoy sitting back and listening to them talk about things which I have very little understanding of but recognize as being important, if not for society as a whole then at the very least for some individual somewhere.
So today, as they were talking about this and that while eating pizza, one of them mentioned John McCain, or conservatives, or something like that, which led to a “Hey, wasn’t so-and-so who worked here a conservative?”, and a “Yeah, don’t get many of those here”. Pretty soon, the topic of Mormons came up, as Mormonism and conservatism tend to be linked in people’s minds (for the record, NOT because membership in the Church requires any specific political affiliation, and certainly not because there are no liberal Mormons), someone said “Wasn’t such-and such person who worked here a Mormon?’ and finally, from a co-worker who knows me fairly well, “Yeah, and so is Bryce!”. Seeing the reaction was priceless. It was so awesome! The girl next to me, a 3L working as a part-time law clerk, was somewhat dumbfounded and, judging by her countenance, mildly appalled (an observation which I lightheartedly shared with her), and there was a brief, maybe 2-second-long pause as people mentally switched gears and adjusted their social filters. Again, I mean no disrespect in sharing this, and I don’t mean to make a bigger deal of this than it was, but it was just so interesting to see people’s reactions and to picture what they were thinking (“Shoot, Bryce is a Mormon, and therefore conservative. I must’ve offended him!”). Also, it made me think about how I must come across to people on matters of religion. Obviously, I am not shy about talking about my faith, and in fact it is one of my all-time favorite topics of conversation. However, I also recognize that faith can be a very uncomfortable topic for people, or at least a tender subject to open up about. Sometimes, I wonder if people feel self-conscious around me, knowing that I have strong convictions, almost as if I am silently judging them if they drink coffee or say a bad word here or there (as for coarse language, I do have my limits of toleration, but would always try to be pleasant, courteous, and diplomatic, or at least humorous, about addressing speech which I personally find offensive). While I cannot help it if the fact that I have convictions makes people uncomfortable, I believe I can do very much indeed to let people know that I don’t look down on them because of my beliefs – if anything, my beliefs ought to lead me to love and respect them more as beloved children of God trying to find their way in this crazy and confusing world. So, rather than feel smug and self-satisfied about this occurrence, I am using it as a way to evaluate how I am doing about developing and communicating love and esteem for the people I interact with daily (although I do want to reserve the right to chuckle about it good-naturedly – is that bad?).
Life sure is interesting, but it’s also so awesome!
Reflections on my personal history
[brace yourself, I'm waxing poetic]
My heart and mind are heavy today, and I am experiencing a vague and lingering sadness. The reasons for this are fairly complex, but as I’ve reflected on them, I’ve had occasion to look back at my life thus far and recognize the unexpected and unusual twists and turns which have shaped me and altered my course. I wholeheartedly believe that the Lord’s hand is in each of our lives, to the extent that we invite Him to participate, and I have no doubt that such interactions and interventions are for our ultimate good. Nevertheless, life is full of poignant or painful experiences, as well as certain singularly soul-stretching events which reveal, and if endured well, refine our character.
It is fascinating to look back and recognize what factors have led me to where I am now. Things such as the fact that I was held back a year in kindergarten because my parents thought me too hyperactive (according to one account, I couldn’t sit still to write my name), that my LDS mission was delayed (and the reasons for the delay), that I grew up with certain people in a certain place, that I have encountered certain influential books and ideas, and that certain people were involved in the critical junctures of my life. Of course, this is to say nothing of the deep and steady influence of certain quiet constants in my life: my wonderful parents and siblings and certain close and life-long friends, the culture of freedom and opportunity enjoyed in this prosperous country (notwithstanding our current turbulent circumstances), and the intimately powerful, although perhaps outwardly unremarkable, effect of the Church and its teachings on my life. This mortal life, although fraught with difficulty and confusion, is nevertheless an incredible journey – one which, fortunately enough, may also be filled with clarity, peace, and joy! I hope that we all might have occasion to stop what we’re doing in our busy lives to reflect on our own life experiences, taking note of areas in need of course-correction and seeking to recognize the hand of an involved and loving God in our lives, and then afterwards approaching life with renewed vigor and zeal and a fresh and grateful perspective.
A philosophical quesion about marriage
I consider marriage between a man and a woman to be one of life’s most significant and ennobling relationships, perhaps on par with a person’s relationship with God (if not at least deeply intertwined), and the foundation upon which loving and happy families are created. To form such a relationship is one of my most earnest desires; to raise children in a nurturing and loving home is a close runner up. I am of the opinion, however, that single people my age are generally rather undecided about what they are looking for in a future marriage partner, if they are seeking marriage at all. In truth, I sense that most single people my age are largely uncertain about what they are seeking from life itself, which is troubling and potentially tragic (although, outwardly at least, some appear not to mind the uncertainty too much). For such people, I wholeheartedly recommend they investigate The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But I digress To a certain degree, I am also such a young person lacking in wisdom in matters of dating and marriage.
I am of the opinion that two of the most important factors in the health and happiness of a relationship are 1) character (what a person is – I would also call this personality) and 2) behavior (what a person does). I think behavior is obviously important, as it is the actual bridging of two unique individuals, but also that it is largely, although incompletely, determined by the involved personalities. Put another way, I believe that people ought to determine not only what kinds of behaviors they approve of in a relationship, but also to recognize the underlying characteristics which tend to produce such behaviors in an individual.
I believe that certain types of personality matches are more natural and comfortable than others, but I also believe that there are matches which, although not as comfortable, involve a melding of different complementary traits to the effect of creating a dynamic pair. I can see pros and cons to each matching, as well as the possibility of having the best of both worlds – a comfortable match with complementary differences. But this is the question which I’d like my married readers in particular to answer if they would: which is ultimately more important, to have a comfortable match or a complementary match? Or is my creation of such a dichotomy misleading and unnecessary? 
