Category Archive
The following is a list of all entries from the Gender issues category.
The Utility of Cute
Traditional gender roles discourage men’s open appreciation of cute things, and I think this is a shame and unnecessary. We all (women and men) have a tender, sensitive side, and a need to make candid, good-natured expressions of those tender feelings (this last part is essentially my definition of “cuteness”; if this seems too fuzzy, hopefully the remainder of my post will clarify what I mean*). Granted, personalities differ in their extent to which this is true – although there is probably no one who does not have some degree of appreciation for cuteness and its manifestations, I do think that such degrees vary widely between individuals**.
Never one to be easily pigeon-holed (or to conform to “unnecessary” expectations), I defy the classic male role a little bit in my appreciation for cute things. Ok, so some people probably think I take it too far (one friend, a reader of this blog actually – you know who you are 
-, mocked me for having a LOL cat application on my Facebook profile. And now it’s gone, although I still harbor LOL cat sympathies), and I take their opinions into consideration. Still, as far as I can tell there is no “true” and ideal cuteness preference – the conception and allowable degrees of “cute” differ across not only personalities but cultures as well (in Japan, for instance, my LOL cat appreciation would be standard fare, but I’d probably think their preference for cuteness is a bit too much***)
If you think that’s cute, check out this video at my sister’s blog. It’s probably the cutest movie ever made in the history of cute movies
As I see it, the cute is an extension of a good-natured love of life and people, which I consider an indispensable virtue and ingredient for a full and happy life, and something I would like to acquire more fully. As I have expressed several times before, I worry that living in DC is moving me further away from developing that enviable trait, good-natured love of life and people; the situation is complicated in part by the rigors of single life, concerns over future education and career, and the intrigues of dating (which in a way can be sort of like withholding love rather than increasing it – am I going about it the wrong way?).
My super-cute sister, Michelle, and her pet lizard Mo (short for “Mosiah”). This post is a great introduction to her (Michelle’s, not Mo’s) obvious cuteness and lovability. I find the “Five Lofty Aspirations” especially revealing (in a good way) and endearing.
Speaking again of gender roles, the onus of cuteness generally falls more on the side of women. Again, I think this is somewhat unnecessary and unfortunate. I can understand the reasoning behind expecting men to be strong, capable guardians and providers, and therefore expecting them to have their tender feelings (and thus cuteness**** or, more importantly, the good-natured love for life and people from which it springs) under wraps. I understand this, and believe me, I aspire to be such a strong, grounded man who can lead, protect, and provide for a family. Too often in practice, however, “keeping feelings under control” is actually “keeping feelings unspoken”. This is an important distinction, for the former typically views feelings as legitimate and inescapable facets of reality which can be controlled and even harnessed for good, whereas the former tends to view feelings as weaknesses and only relevant insofar as they can be minimized to better focus on the tasks at hand (a sort of out-of-sight-out-of-mind mentality which certainly has its merits, but can easily become a callous, even delusional head-in-the-sand approach if not kept in check).
On the flip side, and especially relevant for a place like DC, I suspect “cuteness” among women is more neglected here compared to other places. Lest I come across as an ungrateful, unduly negative naysayer, let me just openly admit that, in moving out to DC, I expected to see a tradeoff in cuteness for substance and strength among the ladies here, and in fact was seeking such a circumstance. For a number of reasons, I am attracted to girls (is that diminutive? I only mean “girl” in the sense that she is youthful like me. In substance, maturity, and character, I am looking for someone who is truly womanly) who are like valkyries (except the part about ushering dead men to the afterlife. I’m not quite ready for that yet). In other words, I am drawn to those who are strong in matters of principle and intellect, but who prefer and are well-suited to the role of compassionate nurturer and graceful protector and promoter of all things good and true. I am looking for someone who radiates not only strength of character and intellect but also tenderness, love, and a zest for life and the people in it – someone strong and able, yet approachable and warm, like my mom.
Three of my favorite people. I’m sorry I didn’t have a more flattering picture, Mom, but this is all I could find, and you do like to shop
Back to the original topic, I think cuteness is one of a number of manifestations of tenderness, love, and a zest for life and the people in it. Thus, it is an attractive quality for the deeper qualities it signifies. Although I appreciate and even to a degree admire ladies who are outwardly tough and capable, in the final analysis, I agree with Margaret Nadauld’s following remarks:
“Women of God can never be like women of the world. The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.”
(Margaret D. Nadauld, “The Joy of Womanhood,” Ensign, Nov 2000, 14–16)
Hypothetically, if I am correct about the roots from which cuteness springs, then it would be manifested among ladies who seek to follow the above counsel. Among LDS ladies, this is very much the case! Nevertheless, in a dreary, power-conscious place like DC, I would appreciate even more cuteness, but that is just me – I recognize that this is very largely a matter of preference, stemming from differences in personality, upbringing, and aspiration. But as for myself, I really appreciate cute and want more of it!
My final remark: I admittedly have plenty of room for improvement in developing whatever the male equivalent of cuteness is. Also, for all my talk of the “perfect woman”, I am well-aware that such an ideal woman, if ever encountered in this life, would certainly have little interest in this guy
*my dad, ever the voice of reason, suggested that words like “childlike” and “charming” offer a much simpler definition of “cute”, but for the purposes of this post, I’m going to stick with my more convoluted definition. Lucky you!
**and this wouldn’t be a true Bryce personality observation without some comment on DC culture! Cuteness is a neglected virtue here. People here care a lot about self-consciously defending power and reputation, maintaining appearances, and keeping weaknesses locked up tightly (as if their existence can truly be hidden. Even in the conscious act of hiding them, we cannot help but unconsciously betray the fact that we have them). Good-naturedness, already too rare a trait, is almost entirely absent. It’s sad, isn’t it? And yet, the people for whom such a description is most fitting seem to be quite ignorant of their deficiency – which is great for them, not so great for the rest of us who must live and work with them :-/
***although their penchant for cute serves an important function for the Japanese psyche, I think. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, or however the phrase goes – and the Japanese are hardly known for their lack of hard-work (c’mon, 6-day work weeks?! Doesn’t that violate some human right somewhere?). Without things like these
I imagine the Japanese would be faring quite poorly emotionally and economically. Look at the happy lady on the left – Hello Kitty is obviously doing something right! Yep, I just suggested that the world’s largest Hello Kitty statue is contributing to improving the general well-being of Japan. And I stand by that.
****you know, now that I think about it, “cuteness” doesn’t at all sound like it should ever be a masculine trait. It just sounds wrong. I do think there is an appropriate masculine analog to the feminine notion of “cuteness”, but I’m not sure what it should be called. Any ideas?
Do women ever direct films?
It dawned on me yesterday, as I was watching the closing credits of “An Inconvenient Truth” (which I actually found to be quite convincing), that I can’t think of a single prominent female film director in our country. Don’t women direct films? According to Wikipedia, the definitive source of all things true, they do. However, I barely recognized any of the names or film titles from their list (only a portion of whom are American). So let me revise my question: don’t any women become prominent film directors? I have to wonder what our films are missing out on by being directed primarily by men. Perhaps the abundance of trite and vulgar movies can be attributed to the fact that movies are primarily directed by men; perhaps a product becomes stale and mundane if it is consistently created from the same tired point of view. But beyond the effect of a male-overrepresentation, I wonder why it is that so few women hit it big in the movie industry. Hmmm…
Americans hate the war…but they love their abortions
I was reading a satirical piece at Den of Hydralisks and encountered a link to some sobering statistics on abortion in the US. Of course, abortion is a tricky issue, and I myself take a somewhat nuanced stance, opposing it except for victims of rape and incest or women whose health is severely threatened by a pregnancy; even in those cases, I think it is a dire decision worth careful consideration. According to the stats at The Center for Bio-Ethical Reform (which can be found here), 78% of abortions worldwide take place in developing countries, which, based on my course study of the international political economy of women (a great course offered at BYU), I would largely attribute to poverty, poor sex education, and low access to birth control. Seventy eight percent is a huge piece of pie, but the pie is pretty big: an estimated 46 million abortions are performed worldwide every year. Thus, the developed world is accountable for about 10.1 million unborn babies, and I’m sure the reasons for our abortions are quite different. Of those 10.1 million, the US accounts for about 1.37 million abortions according to 1996 data (has the abortion rate been going up or down since then? I’d guess up, though perhaps not dramatically). To put it in perspective, how many people have died in Iraq? Figures are shaky, but by one estimate, over 655,000 have died as a result, direct or indirect, of the 2003 invasion. That’s an appalling number, and certainly much, much larger than our leaders had anticipated, but guess what: Americans end twice as many lives in a single year.
Now, obviously not all Americans love abortions (just as not all Americans hate the war, despite what the media may try to say), and the figures give an idea of who exactly these aborters are – and let’s not forget that for every pregnant woman, there was an accountable man. Women who have never been married account for 64.4% of US abortions, women under the age of 25 account for 52% (these groups aren’t mutually exclusive, of course), and women with annual family incomes between $30,000 and $60,000 account for 38%, while families making less than $15,000 cover 28.7% of all abortions. The site estimates that by age 45, the average woman in the US will have had 1 abortion at some point in her life; seeing as there are certainly many women who will never have an abortion, this probably means that some women are serial aborters. Now here is what I find especially interesting: 37.4% of abortions are performed on women identified as Protestant, 31.3% are performed on those identified as Catholic, and 23.7% are performed on those claiming no religious affiliation. Thus, supposedly religious people are more inclined to abort than the non-religious! Also, 93% of all abortions are performed for social reasons, rather than for health or abuse reasons, or in other words, they are performed for the sake of convenience or because the baby is simply unwanted. I won’t delve too far into the issue of whether I think abortion should be legal or not here. Suffice it to say that I value personal freedom, but also the right of unborn babies to live, and that, while I would absolutely love for all abortions to stop, the scope of such a wish goes beyond just whether abortion is legal or not. I would just say that there is something disturbing about a worldview – one which is apparently common among a portion of the young, unmarried, religiously-affiliated middle class – that looks at conception and birth as mere unfortunate and troublesome side effects of an otherwise pleasurable act. It sounds like another expression of one of our generation’s favorite philosophies, hedonism. Frankly, all this talk of abortion and our stupid reasons for performing them (it most certainly ain’t necessity!) is getting me down. Lastly, however, I would just say that I’m not the one to judge people in the eternal scheme of things (I still reserve the right to form opinions, though), but whatever the individual circumstances are behind every deliberately-terminated pregnancy, it is just so sad that so many lives are ended before they start. Life is a precious gift from God, and while lives lost in war are no doubt tragic in so many cases, perhaps much more so are those innocent lives taken even before infancy.
