Musings on Mormonism

Yes, I do still write in this blog, but have been sans internet for the last (exceptionally long and grueling) week. And now it’s back! Ahhhhhh…

So, today was remarkable for some liberating experiences and ideas I had. You see, for the past few months I have felt like a captive to my circumstances. Stuck in between a lack of marketable skills and near-certain grad school in the fall (during which I intend not to work), I have been in a strange sort of employment limbo. Currently, I am interning at a think tank (interning anywhere is a great way to stay impoverished), and doing tutoring on the side. It is exhausting, perhaps emotionally more than anything else, as my expenses keep piling up and my income stays pretty low. It has definitely affected my spirits and my happiness, and probably the quality of my relationships as well (I always try to put a high priority on keeping these healthy, but when you’re stretched too thin, some facets of life inevitably suffer).

I do think these circumstances, while far from ideal, are fairly short-term… or are they? My parents have recently expressed concern not just for my current poorness, but for my possible long-term poorness as well. “Not to worry,” I tell them, “with a public policy degree you can work in the private sector, too!” (never mind that I have always found such a notion basically unappealing). Looking at the employment data some schools have provided prospective students like myself, it is certainly true that those people coming out of a Masters of Public Policy program who work in the private sector make pretty good money, and those who work in the public sector fare pretty well too (no comment on those in non-profit). However, such practical concerns have gotten me thinking more critically about my career plans, and I am starting to wonder if I have made a mistake about choosing public policy. I don’t think I have, necessarily. However, as I have languished as a poor intern, subservient to “the man”, I have come to a few conclusions, the consequences of which I am still figuring out.

Conclusion 1: Life is better when you have money. Or perhaps I should put it this way – not having money generally makes life harder. Now, this may be glaringly obvious to the majority of people reading this, but for me it has taken some time, and some pretty indigent circumstances, to sink in. Half of my heritage is of the “genteel poor” variety – well-educated but not particularly rich. And my dad, never one to let an astute observation gather dust, has often noted the Goodwin tendency to be “satisficers” rather than “maximizers” (my mom perhaps being an outlier in this regard. Chairman Mao would be very proud of her “redness” – her tenacity and indomitable fighting spirit). What I am getting at is that concerns about money and material things have tended to rank a little low on my list of priorities – but that is changing quite rapidly. And the truth is, the more I think about that wife and children I want so much, the more attractive having money becomes, because  I want them to have security and nice things (reasonably nice things, that is. Frugality is not going out of style with me any time soon).

Conclusion 2: Having a surplus allows me to bless others. This is related to the above conclusion. Recently in an LDS institute class, I learned about the Law of Consecration which, in past practice at least, has entailed being a good and productive steward over your private property, and willingly giving your surplus (whatever you’ve produced beyond your needs) to an honest, wise, and inspired Church leader to deliberately dispense to those in need. When practiced faithfully and righteously, it leads to more productive outcomes than socialism, and more equitable outcomes than capitalism. Historically, my disinterest in accumulating wealth has stemmed in part from a desire to focus instead on the immaterial needs of people – needing to be loved, to have friends, to be understood and supported emotionally and spiritually, to be encouraged and urged forward, and even to be enlivened and entertained. Although I am not abandoning my efforts to address these needs in my service to others, I also recognize the importance of addressing their material needs (and frankly, I do think the two types of needs are connected in somewhat subtle but important ways). Simply put, if I want to help people materially, and I do, I must first have my own surplus of material things to offer.

Conclusion 3: I have been given certain talents and abilities and should not let them go unused in pursuit of my righteous desires (in fact, without utilizing them, my biggest, most daring desires are probably unattainable). Currently, the American economy bites, and it appears it will get much worse before it gets better. Nevertheless, I still believe opportunities abound here like almost nowhere else. The trick, or a trick, at least, is to muster the ingenuity to come up with some good or service which I am uniquely qualified to offer which carries value in the marketplace. Thus, although my current career plan, a default of sorts, is to do policy research and analysis, I’m thinking it’s probably not my final career destination by a long shot. In fact, for the first time ever, I am seriously considering adding business to my educational plate and even, at the urging of my parents, am re-considering pursuing law (but I still get the feeling that, as a lawyer, I would feel confined and unhappy, and I worry that certain of my unique talents would be more of a hindrance than an advantage). I believe that a business background would open up a lot of options, a law degree also, but to a lesser extent. And I think options, or rather, the freedom to innovate is especially important to a guy like me. But who knows? For all my big talk, perhaps I will end up a bureaucrat behind some desk, yet somehow (hopefully!) find a relatively fulfilling way to use my talents for good while also providing well for a family. I am reluctant to be too idealistic when faced with the pragmatic concerns of some day raising a family; I am definitely an optimist, but cautiously so

My manifesto, in summary, is this: I am going to be more bold and more practical in developing and advancing my educational and career goals. Also, I am going to stop being so darn poor!