You Can’t Control for Happiness
I seem to be entering a new phase in my interpersonal relationships here in DC, and I like it. Perhaps it is not a new phase so much as an old phase revisited after having acquired greater insight and maturity through experience. Either way, I think I can best summarize the new emphasis in this way: chill out and enjoy life and the people around you. In large part, this shift has been possible because of the friendships I’ve been able to form with my neighbors, who are a great bunch of girls. Associating with them helps me be a better and happier person, plus their house is a lot less ghetto than mine. In a way, it is like having a family again – although incomplete, there are discernible parallels, for which I am very grateful. I feel that my social life in DC up until now has been more solitary and self-centered than is healthy, but it is starting to turn around as I am now able to enjoy a greater sense of community.
This city seems to attract people who are preoccupied with being in control, and mostly sub-consciously. I don’t necessarily mean self-control, which I think is a virtue, but rather being in control of all situations, the desire to be the one pulling the strings instead of the one whose strings are pulled. I do not think this inclination is all bad, and certainly I think it is understandable for all who live in this dangerous and uncertain fallen world. Nevertheless, I think preoccupation with being in control stunts our personal growth and curbs our happiness, and I think it is something we all grapple with to one degree or another.
I think preoccupation with control is a particular hindrance for developing healthy interpersonal relationships and sharing the gospel (two things which are closely related and, as I see it, require many of the same skills and attributes for success). Both require a sincere sharing of thoughts and feelings in a context of respect and love. Also, both must be done with a respect for individual choice, and certainly cannot be forced. It seems to me that love, openness of thought and feeling, and a respect for the freedom to choose can clash very much with being in control. However, ultimately the fruits of the former are so much sweeter than the fruits of the latter. Yet, relinquishing control in these two areas of life, as necessary, is easier said than done. It requires patience, trust, and a certain calm inner strength and confidence which can seem quite elusive (but is, fortunately, even more attainable in this life than we may realize). Also, it requires that we put forth an effort to offer something precious and valuable (our friendship or the gospel) without expectations for recompense or fear of failure. In other words, that we give people an opportunity to act and accept an invitation, that we do the right thing, without worrying too much about the consequences.
Anyway, these are just a few of my abstract thoughts on the matter. What do you think?
A few songs I’ve been listening to lately (with discussion)
I can picture my dad’s first response upon reading the title: “What, Bryce’s jungle music? Sorry, I’ve got my Wagner. I wonder what’s going on at The Beaglespot…” In truth, I don’t really blame him – sharing what music we’re listening to with the entire world strikes me as a particularly self-indulgent internet activity (am I being too cynical here? Probably). However, I manage to justify it by thinking:
a) I’m just promoting music that I think is praiseworthy and of good report (obviously an extremely subjective thing – again, Dad’s probably thinking “Praiseworthy? Dvořák is praiseworthy, not whoever this Travis fellow is”)
b) beyond aesthetics, such as a good melody or harmony, it’s possible for music to communicate worthwhile messages and ideas in a unique and powerful way. Perhaps someone reading this post might come away with something of value.
c) maybe people find my interests more interesting than I think
and lastly,
d) who knows? Maybe I’ll help introduce someone to some music they end up liking, and also have something new to bond over (that’s what happened with Bob introducing me to Rush. Now we can always reminisce about Rand-inspired lyrics and Geddy Lee’s oh-so distinct voice)
So, here are some songs I really like:
Mates of State – My Only Offer
The two band members of Mates of State are a married couple, which I think is, if you’ll pardon me for being sentimental, incredibly cute and romantic. I’m not sure what this song is about – something along the lines of feeling stifled by suburban family life, I’m guessing – but regardless, I really like the music, especially their harmonies.
U2 – Miracle Drug
(unfortunately, this video refuses to be embedded, so here’s the link)
Although my musical tastes have shifted away from U2 and become somewhat more sophisticated over the last few years, I’ve still got to hand it to them for writing songs with heart and soul. I’d heard this song many times before, and just assumed it was about Africa (Bono being quite the advocate for aid and development in Africa), but really didn’t know anything else about it. But just today I discovered their explanation for the song, which, if you didn’t catch it in the video, is this:
Bono: “We all went to the same school and just as we were leaving, a fellow called Christopher Nolan arrived. He had been deprived of oxygen for two hours when he was born, so he was paraplegic. But his mother believed he could understand what was going on and used to teach him at home. Eventually, they discovered a drug that allowed him to move one muscle in his neck. So they attached this unicorn device to his forehead and he learned to type. And out of him came all these poems that he’d been storing up in his head. Then he put out a collection called Dam-Burst of Dreams, which won a load of awards and he went off to university and became a genius. All because of a mother’s love and a medical breakthrough.”
Totally awesome. “Of science and the human heart, there is no limit” – I really believe that, especially because I think God is involved in both. And with God in the picture, there are truly no limits.
Eisley – Telescope Eyes
No big story here, I just really like the song. Like with Mates of State, Eisley has some great harmonies. Also, I love the drum fill at 2:09 – simple but cool! The words seem to deal with alienation as a nerdy kid, something I totally cannot relate to!
…ok, I was a nerdy kid (and in some ways I still am), but I was fortunate to grow up in a great place with lots of great friends.
and last on the list,
The Fray – You Found Me
(ditto on embedding issues – here’s the link)
Singer Isaac Slade’s explanation:
“You Found Me” is a tough song for me. Its about the disappointment, the heart ache, the let down that comes with life. Sometimes you’re let down, sometimes you’re the one who lets someone else down. It gets hard to know who you can trust, who you can count on. This song came out of a tough time, and I’m still right in the thick of it. There’s some difficult circumstances my family and friends have been going through over the past year or so and can be overwhelming. It wears on me. It demands so much of my faith to keep believing, keep hoping in the unseen. Sometimes the tunnel has a light at the end, but usually they just look black as night. This song is about that feeling, and the hope that I still have, buried deep in my chest.”
And in another interview:
“I kept getting these phone calls from home – tragedy after tragedy… If there is some kind of person in charge of this planet – are they sleeping? Smoking? Where are they? I just imagined running into God standing on a street corner like Bruce Springsteen, smoking a cigarette, and I’d have it out with him.”
[the following commentary is fairly lengthy]
Struggles with faith in a world of difficulty and doubt – is there anyone on the planet who has not grappled with such a ponderous topic? Having gone through plenty of my own dark days and watched so many others go through theirs, this is something with which I am well-acquainted. Incidentally, this universality of discouragement and tested faith among man is the topic of the most recent book by Michael Novak (for whom I intern at AEI), No One Sees God, which I have yet to really get into, but basically posits that believers and non-believers alike experience uncertainty and even darkness in this life. It’s not a particularly happy notion to dwell on, but the reality is that we can only hide behind good times and sunshine philosophies for so long – life, being quite long and sometimes treacherous, leaves no person untested in this regard (and that by design; more on that later) – and if we are already in the thick of it, then it is a fact of our existence which we cannot ignore, although we may try to get it resolved as cleanly and painlessly as we can (e.g. just stop believing in God*) or else busy our lives with distractions in the material world**.
“Where were you when everything was falling apart?”, or, uniquely familiar to Latter-day Saints, “Oh God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?” (Doctrine & Covenants 121) The truth is that, to varying degrees, we are all separated from God. Even the Savior Himself, during the most heroic and transcendent act in human history, was left without God’s presence for a time (Matthew 27:46). But only for a time! I believe that we all have periods of time, brief in the eternities but interminable here in mortality, wherein we feel that God has taken a vacation, that somehow, even though we thought Him to be loving and omnipotent, He has somehow stopped either caring or having the means to do anything to help us. These periods of affliction may be the direct result of our own unwise choices, they may be the result of the choices of others, or they may have no clear cause whatsoever. But no matter how dire our circumstances, nor their origins, both of the above conclusions about the nature of God are, and will always be, false. God does exist, and He is involved in our lives in ways that are remarkable, although typically easily overlooked. Very often, he works through other people to send His love and assistance. And He does love us – but that is an understatement. He is thoroughly invested in us and unwaveringly dedicated to our growth and happiness, even during our trials and afflictions***.
“No One Sees God” is a mostly accurate statement – it has some very notable exceptions, however (Genesis 32:30; Exodus 24:11 and 33:11; Matthew 5:8; and Acts 7:55-56, to name a few) . Yet, actual visual confirmation of God’s existence ought not to be the issue, as wonderful as sight and the other physical senses are. What is important is that God chooses witnesses who can testify for themselves of God’s true nature and reality, and then share how we can each know for ourselves. Finding out for ourselves – that is the real issue! The process is not complicated, but it requires instruction in true principles, patience, and trust and confidence that God can and will give you an answer. One more thing – it require deliberate effort, earnestly doing the right things with the right motives, such as prayer, study of the scriptures, and applying true principles in your life. When we do these things, God sees our earnest efforts, however imperfect, and does respond!
But back to the original topic, wondering where God is during our hard times, I offer these concluding thoughts. First, just because we don’t sense Him right now doesn’t mean He is not still closely involved in our lives. Second, if we don’t sense Him, we ought to examine ourselves to see if we are leaving any room for Him, or if we are making a conscious, faithful effort to invite Him to participate. God respects our freedom to choose, and will not force Himself into our lives no matter how much He yearns to bless us. But, as Jesus taught plainly, when we seek and ask, our loving Heavenly Father answers generously (Matthew 7:7-11).
Finally, even if we are basically doing things right, we may still be tested and stretched to our limits. The story of Job comes to mind as a prime example (Job 1:1). Yet, like Job, we may have, or develop through our trials, the kind of faith that “when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.” (Job 23:10) While a student at BYU, I saw a quote posted in someone’s office which I have not been able to find since (so I cannot confirm its authenticity, nor convey it perfectly), but which I found to be incredibly profound and thought-provoking. In essence it said this: there are certain challenges we face in this life, which, although unprecedented to us in their intensity, are absolutely essential in motivating and enabling us to truly come to Jesus Christ. This rang true for me then, and it rings true to me still. Jesus is our Savior, and through his gospel we may become bound to his infinite merits and receive the greatest of all gifts, eternal life with our Heavenly Father and our families. However, to be so bound requires faith, not a vague and passive belief or even a half-hearted commitment to basically live a “good” life and do a lot of “good” things – these are a good start, but they are nowhere near what is needed. What we need is living, active, courageous faith, where we have drawn our line in the sand and our allegiance to and trust in the Lord is so complete that it cannot be called into question, even in the midst of adversity and uncertainty. This faith takes much effort and time to develop, and it inevitably requires, I believe, the suffering of those certain particularly grueling trials, not to discourage us and make us miserable, but to show us who Christ is, what He has done, what He can and will do for us as we draw closer to Him. Such trials are unique in their potential to facilitate that deep and abiding faith which will empower us to truly follow Christ, withholding nothing of ourselves. It is my experience and testimony that Christ has the power to turn all things to our good, and that, as he passed through the dark and rose from the grave in triumph and glory, with His grace we too may rise from the gloom and ashes of our afflictions, rising to ever greater heights. Perhaps most miraculous of all, through Christ, the awful, but temporary, misery and suffering through which we wade in this life will be replaced with matchless and enduring love and joy – experienced fully in the eternities, but even found in unexpected abundance here in the present!
*to be clear, I am not endorsing this option
**I don’t recommend this either, although I am sympathetic to the plight from which it arises. It tends to promote the tragic assumption that such spiritual matters are unimportant and not worth the fight
***I have seen some glimpse of this absolute and loving dedication to one’s beloved children in my own mother. She is Asian, and thus culturally prone to heavy involvement in her children’s lives in the first place, but I can say with confidence that she has spared no effort to make her children her absolute #1 priority. And I appreciate it 
A personal loss, and other assorted happenings
A piece of me died yesterday. Yes, I am talking about my lower left molar. After a year of neglecting my damaged tooth (out of lack of funds and insurance), it finally started to really hurt this past Monday, thus necessitating an urgent trip to the dentist. Now, I count it a matter of divine providence that one of my home teachers* just happens to be a dental student who was able to connect me with a fellow student who was available to help me out on short notice for a reasonable price**. Well, as it turns out, I need a root canal, which they started yesterday by removing most of the soft tissue in my tooth (the technical term used was “scoop out”), and temporarily capping the gaping hole until we can schedule another appointment. I left feeling relieved, groggy and ugly (anesthesia and lying at an unusual angle for hours leave you feeling and looking like Quasimodo), and very grateful. I do have regrets, however:
1) I wish I had somehow addressed this sooner so that I could keep my tooth alive (a root canal basically kills all living tissue in the tooth and turns it into a dried out husk which retains its chewing ability). I prefer my body parts to be living, thank you very much.
2) I wish I had had some way of watching what they were doing in there! It’s not every day you get to see the inside of a tooth – I wonder what the nerves look like?
In other news, I took the GRE on Monday, and it went so much better than the first time (also, it was thankfully after the GRE and not before that my tooth started hurting). It leaves me much more competitive for getting into the grad schools I’m looking at, George Washington being my top pick. Unfortunately, I dropped the ball on applying to Georgetown, whose deadline is very soon - it occurred to me this week that they require 3 letters of recommendation, and I only have 2. Boooo! Even now, I’m debating whether to try and find an emergency recommender to make my application complete. On the other side of the debate, however, I’m trying to console myself with thoughts like “you didn’t want to go there anyway”, or “it’s really expensive there”, or my personal favorite, “the location is really inconvenient”. Still, I am no quitter, and I have a hard time just rolling over and accepting defeat (admittedly largely self-inflicted defeat).
Anyway, one more topic, and then I’ve got to get going on those grad school apps. Last night, I was quite fortunate to go to a Rock Band 2 party, and it was awesome! Family, you’d better believe I played “Carry On Wayward Son”, although with the throng of people there, I didn’t get a chance to try some old favorites (“That means no Rush,” Bob nods knowingly). The emergence of Rock Band and Guitar Hero have been a big boon in my life; they channel my nerdy love of music and video games into an outlet which is not only more socially acceptable but also tons of fun! But you know, it also gets me thinking about whether party games like these are merely “childish things” which I will have to give up when I eventually get married and start a family. My money is on “yes”, and if so, I’m certainly willing to do it. Nevertheless, I often wonder how marriage will affect my lifestyle, specifically my approach to fun (which I think is more important to me than most – as discussed previously, it is an important recreative outlet for me). But who knows? Until I have to cross that bridge, I guess I’ll continue to enjoy Rock Band parties.
One more thing: I’m unable to attend the Sunstone Symposium this weekend (Sunstone is an organization which does scholarly work on Mormon thought and culture – not officially affiliated with the Church, but at least intriguing to guys like me). If anyone reading this attended the symposium or has thoughts about Sunstone, I’d like to hear what you have to say. I mean, Sunstone ain’t General Conference, but I’m interested to know what thoughtful people in the Church are discussing (I’m guessing I would have a lot to disagree with, but also surely many points of agreement). Also, I really wanted to see the documentary Nobody Knows: The Untold Story of Black Mormons; perhaps I’ll have to wait until it’s on DVD 
Like an ugly Senate bill***, I’m attaching one more thing to this post – a video of “Limelight” by Rush. They rock!
*for those unfamiliar with the LDS Church, home teachers are the first line of support and assistance provided for each family, even families of one like mine.
**as an aside, have you ever noticed how a larger than normal proportion of dentists are really, really nice and pleasant people? A profession that requires digging around in people’s mouths must favor a certain easygoing, pleasant temperament. It gratefully makes dental work relatively less unpleasant.
***According to a friend of mine who works for a Congressman, the recent stimulus bill for which none/almost none of the Republicans voted contained lots of pet projects attached, such as spending $60 million to re-sod the National Mall. I suppose it needs to be done some time, but $60 million, in a stimulus bill? It will stimulate the sodding industry, I suppose.
