Be Nice to Introverts
My sister at Mishtown recently posted a link to an article in the Atalntic, Caring for Your Introvert. It will probably remind you of people you know – or it might even end up describing yourself!
I liked the article and thought is was generally correct about a number of things. However, I think there is much more to personality than just introversion and extroversion (in fact, this is a dead horse I feel I have beaten again and again on this blog and in conversation, so I will try to make my comments here brief). Take myself for instance. Introverts probably comprise the majority of my closest friends, as well as probably three quarters of my immediate family*, and, while I have a surprising capacity for being friendly and upbeat, overall I am also an introvert (about 60%, I’d say). But it’s tricky – I really like people, and in the right circumstances I find interaction with them to be quite energizing, fulfilling, and fun. I also have a habit – which I’m sure many find perplexing if not annoying – of thinking out loud. Nevertheless, I think at my core I am an introvert. However, I do take some issue with the author’s assertion that introversion is an immutable orientation. Or rather, what I really take issue with is the temptation to conclude that, because introversion is innate, people are thus incapable of adapting and even changing**. And of course, this is very similar to the objection I most hear about these personality theories – that they reduce people into overly-simplistic caricatures incapable of adaptation and growth. I think this criticism is somewhat deserved, but I also think these theories (certain of them, that is) can at least offer some sort of threshold for understanding and appreciating the differences among us in the present.
*Aside from Mom and Tiff, probably everyone, including spouses, huh?
**not that I am the undisputed life of the party, but you’d better believe I wasn’t always as outgoing and confident in social situations as I am now. My mission in particular did wonders for helping me become more outgoing, as did simply gaining confidence about myself and my abilities during my college years.
The value of play
“Life is best enjoyed when time periods are evenly divided between labor, sleep, and recreation…all people should spend one-third of their time in recreation which is rebuilding, voluntary activity, never idleness.”
-Brigham Young
On the surface, this advice sounds both appealing and quite reasonable. Then I thought, “Wait, does he mean that if we’re not working or sleeping we ought to be playing? For 8 hours?!”* To better understand, a definition of “recreation” is clearly needed, or else more insight into the historical and cultural context in which Brother Brigham was speaking. But whatever he exactly meant by “recreation” (I think it could mean a number of things), it is clear that he considered it as important as work and sleep. The exact proportions prescribed by Brigham may be near-impossible to arrange in today’s working world – both recreation and sleep have been increasingly sacrificed for more time at the office or in commute, and seriously, there seems to be about a hundred non-recreative tasks pulling at us when we’re not sleeping or working (although that may be of our own doing to some degree or another). Nevertheless, the main idea behind the quote -that sleep, work, and play should be kept in balance for a happy and productive life – is still very applicable. For a guy who is fairly ambitious and driven but also wary of missing out on opportunities to ponder, laugh, relax, serve, converse, and otherwise build and enjoy relationships with others**, this advice is especially encouraging.
Recently, I have been thinking about the function that laughter, humor, and play serve in my life. Although it is closely related to laughter, I think humor deserves its own separate discussion another time, because its role seems to be more ubiquitous and subtle, so I will focus just on the other two. I think that laughter and play help fulfill a number of practical purposes for me, from greasing the wheels of (in some cases awkward) social situations, to facilitating the creation and deepening of relationships, to maintaining a healthy, optimistic perspective on life. However, and thankfully so, laughter and play are also very recreative for me***. I agree with Brigham that recreation is “rebuilding” (in fact, I just looked up the definition of “recreation” and -duh!- it literally means to re-create), it regenerates us, freshens our spirits, and helps us be the kinds of people others would actually want to spend time with. It almost goes without saying that my preferred brand of recreation, fun and play, can be overdone, or else done in the wrong way (the above quote seems to suggest that it ought to be conscious and purposeful, not just a withdrawal from activity), and thus deserves some discipline and consideration. When handled correctly, however, I think laughter and play are some of the most sublime manifestations of the joy we are meant to experience in this life (see 2 Nephi 2:25).****
And now on a more personal note, today I ran into a post on 1000 Awesome Things (which, btw, is a blog title and idea which makes me jealous I didn’t think of it first) talking about classic board games, and it got me thinking about all the good times I’ve had with family and friends. Here are a few that stick out in my mind:
1) Playing Dance With Intensity, the open source PC knock-off of Dance Dance Revolution. Certain friends, such as the Brymers, have at times joined us in getting our dance on. “Peanut Butter & Jelly” and the Lemming Song will always have a special place in my heart (and, uh, feet?). You guys remember those? What were some other good ones?
2) Playing Boggle competitively. Now, the athleticism genes passed over us Goodwin kids for the most part (my humble claim to athletic ability is that I can play a pretty good game of racquetball, but I’m no master, nor do I love it). When it comes to board games, though, that’s where our nerdy competitive spirit comes out. I like to think that I pretty much clean house whenever we play Boggle, although my brother Bob has always been a worthy opponent (just thinking about his gleeful discovery of “nabob” still makes me chuckle).
3) Playing assorted brainy Bob-games. The Provo branch of the Goodwins/Larsens sure had a heyday with such great games as Puerto Rico, Carcasonne, Bang!, and Ra for that year or so we were together. I love how we had to plan our game-playing around Ellie’s sleep schedule on account of all those delicious-looking pieces! I also love pretending I can pronounce Italian words. Also, Pixie Pete is cheap.
4) The isolated game of Monopoly where I stayed in jail for turns on end to avoid losing money. Things were getting pretty hairy towards the end of that game, so I considered it good fortune to be sent to jail – and even better fortune to get away with spending turn after turn, well beyond the 3-turn maximum, safe behind prison bars. I loved feigning disappointment as, yet again!, I failed to roll doubles. Eventually someone, I think Scott, caught on, and I was punished with liberation. But I still look back on that as a moment of great gaming triumph in my life 
What are some others I’ve missed? Please share!
*LDS footnote: obviously, I place a higher priority on the counsel of living prophets, but of course I think wisdom can be gleaned from figures of the past as well.
**in fact, these may be the ways in which I personally define “recreation”
***this is somewhat odd, since, overall, I am more of an introvert than an extrovert – something I plan to address in my next post.
****I can’t help but think of children when I talk of laughter, play, and joy. The fact that children seem most apt at laughter and play is a large part of the reason I think they are wonderful. The joy they seem to bring to their parents makes the work, occasional frustration, and sacrifice well, well worth it in the end – not to mention that parenthood in itself is perhaps the most noble calling one may have in this life, and thus worthwhile in its own right.
Hero Worship
[This one is pretty long, and might seem a little boring or irrelevant to the casual reader. But if you're curiosity's piqued, please read on!]
I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. For some reason, in fact, in the mornings I sometimes find myself waking up and thinking, practically first thing, “Man, I should really write about hero worship!” Here’s how I think it started:
I recently began interning at a think tank, where I work in close proximity with some pretty prominent people. Among the list of people I would love to meet while there are Newt Gingrich, Christina Hoff Sommers, and Greg Mankiw (whose econ textbook I found so enjoyable that I forewent a pretty generous sell-back price to keep it). The other day, while helping stuff envelopes for an event (a very glamorous task), I encountered some other famous names you’d definitely recognize if you ever watched the news.* Now, it’s pretty easy to get drunk on the thrill of celebrity (or, in my case, mere distant association to celebrity), but for me, at least, the intoxication is relatively short-lived and unfulfilling.** As Peggy Noonan recently wrote in the Wall Street Journal, even US presidents are merely men: “We hire them, we fire them, they come back for photo-ops. They’re not magic.”***
Nevertheless, there seems to be a common yearning for heroes and leaders. There is an apparent demand for people who will show us the way, those we can look up to with admiration and expectation. On such people, we seem to place our hopes – hopes of deliverance from our difficulties, from danger, insecurity, our own weakness and shortcomings, purposelessness, loneliness. I do not think this yearning for leaders is inappropriate – in fact, I think it is a very natural by-product of our experience as mortals separated from our Heavenly Father. However, I think it is important, as Peggy Noonan has suggested, not to place undue expectations on people who are, notwithstanding their great talents and accomplishments as leader and role models, still just people. Furthermore, we ought to be careful not to divest ourselves of personal accountability and place it on the shoulders of these “great people”; their role ought to be to aid and encourage us and not, with one very notable exception, to save us.
That said, I’d like to laud certain people who have made, and continue to make, a huge and positive impact in my life, who have earned my admiration and inspired me to greater heights. This is not an exhaustive list – I’ve been abundantly blessed with countless wonderful people who have left their mark in my life, but these are the ones that stand out most clearly. “They’re not magic,” but by small means they have done great things for me.
1) Dr. Michael Murdock: one of the best teachers I’ve ever had, and certainly one of the more strangely charismatic ones. Despite his huge intellect and exacting academic standards, behind the layers Dr. Murdock is generous and, although it may surprise some, quite gentle and kind. He helped me make big improvements in my thinking and writing (still plenty of room for improvement though!), and helped me discover that I really like history after all. Also, he went beyond the call of duty by being a very patient listening ear as I tried to chart my academic course.
2) Dr. Edwin Gantt: he did a great service for me, and continues to do a great service for the students of BYU by teaching psychology from a perspective that takes religion (particularly, but not exclusively, the religion of the Latter-day Saints) seriously. This is an uncommon practice in the social sciences, especially psychology. Along with Dr. Slife, another great professor, he helped me recognize the assumptions and perspectives (certain of which are tragically misleading, if not spiritually dangerous) currently prevalent in the behavioral sciences, and to recognize some alternative views and assumptions which are just as viable. With insight, enthusiasm, and a great sense of humor, Dr. Gantt is helping prepare LDS scholars to enter the professional world without compromising their membership in the kingdom.****
3) Bishop Kerry Morgan: it seems like he was my bishop in Oregon for a long time, but I think that is because he was a true and loving friend to me in- and outside of his tenure as bishop. He is a true Christian who has gone the extra mile for me and countless others.
4) Dr. Valerie Hudson: she, along with Dr. Bowen, another wonderful woman, not only introduced me to the complex, fascinating world of women’s issues but also to political science (I had never taken a Poli Sci course before taking theirs). Thankfully, they did it in a way that was bold and forthright, yet thoughtful, loving, and full of faith. Dr. Hudson is a big hero(ine) in my eyes – not just because she is kicking butt on a regular basis to improve the lives of women and children around the world, but because that is not even close her first priority, but rather secondary to her cherished role as a wife and mother. She has continued to work and teach not because she prefers it to the work of home and family, but unselfishly and for a different reason entirely. One who champions womanhood institutionally and especially in the home earns a place at the top of my list. Which takes me to my next person…
5) My beloved Mom! She is such a delightful, wonderful woman, that merely talking to her on the phone refreshes my spirits and gladdens my heart! Intensely and lovingly committed to her children, it would be impossible for me not to love her in return. She has been a tremendous source of strength and encouragement in my life. My mom is a born leader with an iron will (she’s mellowed out over the years, fortunately) and a heart of gold who finds her greatest joy in serving others. I was truly born of goodly parents – the other of whom is…
6) My Dad! I do not know a wiser, more intelligent man than my dad, nor one who is also as gentle and kind (if that is what fatherhood does to a man, then I want in!). Very often, my dad contributes a voice of incomparable reason to dispel confusion in my life and help me maintain my most important priorities. He’s done his best to shape me into a man (one can only do so much), and has taught me by word and deed to sacrifice for and unselfishly love his family. As a father, he has exemplified righteous priesthood leadership “by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy” (see Doctrine & Covenants 121:41-44).
7) Joseph Smith, Jr.: some people have built entire careers out of trying to assassinate this man’s character (and indeed, his message was and is a bold one, which some find threatening), but for me, it is exactly his character that I admire so much. I like to think that he and I share similar dispositions. A study of Joseph Smith’s life reveals him to have been, from an early age, prone to serious and sober reflection on the questions of the soul, yet endowed with a “native cheery temperament”. He possessed a unique blend of intellectual and spiritual depth and purpose and a certain earthy affability; some, expecting the austere demeanor of a Moses from a prophet of God, were unpleasantly surprised to find Joseph quite too approachable and gregarious upon first meeting him. Joseph Smith was no brooding introvert, nor was he merely a charismatic people-person – he was a courageous, self-sacrificing leader and prophet, entrusted with a sacred work and responsibility, but brimming with a love of all people and an eagerness for the company and well-being of all who were friends. I do not wish to stretch the comparison between he and I too far -certainly, I am not Joseph Smith-, but I see facets of myself, undeveloped as I am, in him. That gives me comfort and encouragement when I feel alone, uncertain, or misunderstood, but perhaps more importantly, it gives me an example to follow as I seek to grow.* (x5)
…and lastly, but most significantly,
8 ) Jesus Christ: All that is good and noble comes through Him. I have never met Him, and yet I see and feel His influence all around me – not always, and perhaps not even most of the time, but I have an assurance that He is closely involved in the details of our lives, whether or not we sense it (the trick, of course is to do our part to better sense and invite Him into our lives). He is my Savior and friend, who makes it possible for me to be cleaned, forgiven, and refined, shaped into someone new and holy. He has the power to heal us of all our infirmities and weaknesses, in the proper time and by the proper processes. His promises are sure: if we will simply trust and follow Him, we will have joy and ultimately eternal life. In the end, there is nothing as important as trusting and following Jesus Christ. I love Him, I want to be like Him, and I want to be with Him. He is my hero.
*One more (very distant) claim to fame: yesterday, thanks to a tip-off from a co-worker, I was able to see Mitt Romney through a cafe window, talking excitedly with some important-looking guys.
**Perhaps if I were truly closer to the action and prestige, and not just a distant intern, it would be harder to shrug off. But really, I haven’t had any substantial brushes with fame, and if I did, they would probably be pretty low-key and relatively unremarkable over all.
***My favorite quote from the article, in regards to a recent presidential photo-op: “Did you notice how they all leaned away from Jimmy Carter, the official Cootieman of former presidents? It was like high-school students to the new girl: “You can’t sit here, we’re the Most Popular table.”
****see “Some Thoughts on the Gospel and the Behavioral Sciences” by Neal A. Maxwell.
* (x5) For some very accessible insights and information on the life and teachings of Joseph Smith, see Joseph Smith the Prophet and The Life and Teachings of the Prophet Joseph, both by Truman G. Madsen.
In search of good conversation
Let it be known: I really like hearty conversation. Unfortunately, for some reason it is very hard to find in this world.
So, today on the way home from work on the train, I was fortunate enough to have a nice, friendly, and surprisingly satisfying conversation. Here’s what happened:
I was sitting behind a girl that I thought was pretty, but she was reading a book. Past experience trying to talk with people, especially pretty girls, reading things on the train has made me a little wary of trying to strike up conversation, as their motivation for reading is usually some combination of a) they are really digging their book and b) they don’t want to talk to you or anyone else (although it might be just you exclusively)*. Anyway, I kept trying to muster up the courage and boldness to talk with her, but in a way that wasn’t too bothersome (somehow being pleasantly bold is, I feel, the great challenge of approaching strangers), and just couldn’t do it. She was reading a book about flowers and looked like she was really into it**.
So my eyes started to wander in search of something I could comment on to bring up some conversation, with the book-reading girl or someone else (it’s really helpful to have some sort of neutral object or happening to comment on to start up conversation). Across the aisle, I saw a woman in uniform with a Seattle Seahawks lunchbox – I was born in Seattle and grew up in Portland! This was the “in” I was waiting for!
As soon as she turned in my direction to look at something, I asked if she was from the Pacific Northwest. It turned out she was and, because she was friendly, open, interested in talking, and we had interesting topics to discuss (east coast vs. west coast culture, her military experience, and her lunchbox), a very pleasant conversation ensued. In fact, the conversation just flowed, without any awkward pauses to speak of (an uncommon treat!). Soon enough, her stop came, and our conversation ended, on a rushed, albeit positive, note. I seriously doubt I’ll ever see her again, but I hope both she and I will have many more such pleasant encounters with people.
Afterwards, it left me wondering, with gratitude and curiosity rather than wistfulness and disappointment, why such seemingly chance but fulfilling interactions are so rare***? And why, when they do happen, are they so distinctly enjoyable? Perhaps they are a tender mercy shown to me by the Lord, who knows how much I love and appreciate being engaged with people and understands how deeply I experience the absence or deficiency of human contact and interaction. Any thoughts or related experiences, friends?
*One experience in particular sticks out in my mind – I saw a not-unattractive girl reading “Freakonomics” and I thought “Cool, that girl likes economics, she must be smart! And I’ve read that book, so I have an in!” Pleasantly but not without some boldness, I asked how she liked the book – she gave me a very brief, nondescript response, and as I hadn’t read the book in quite some time and she didn’t give me much to work with , I couldn’t come up with any sort of interesting comment to keep the interaction going. So it ended. Truthfully, I think she really wanted to read her book and really didn’t want to talk to me.
**Part of me wondered if her apparent absorption in her book was somewhat self-consciously affected because of the mysteriously handsome half-Asian guy eying her and her book from the seat behind. The egoist in me thinks that is precisely what it was
***unfortunately, they seem especially rare among the exceptionally pretty girls, which makes my chances of wooing and marrying an exceptionally pretty girl pretty slim (that, and many other reasons of course).
Goals for 2009
Well, 2008 certainly came and went in a hurry it seems like. Looking back, a whole lot happened – I spent time floundering in Sacramento (with good company, at least), briefly worked at a law firm, attended my nephew’s baptism, moved to DC (and promptly caught bronchitis), stressed a lot about school and career, decided not to pursue law, tried unsuccessfully to find paid internships, met a lot of cool people (many of them intelligent and lovely ladies), stressed more about school and career until finally settling on public policy and becoming more content with my current work situation, semi-bombed the GRE, stressed some more about dating, career, and financial stability (3 things which at times seemed pretty interrelated), and went home and had a fantastically relaxing and wonderful Christmas with my family back in Sacramento. Gratefully, things in my life are starting to coalesce, and I feel I am actually in a pretty good position to make goals for the upcoming year . What follows is my dangerously-still-growing list of goals for 2009, a number of which are macro-goals whose completion may be difficult to attain or determine, but are nonetheless priorities for me. Also, many of these are intertwined.
1) learn drums. It didn’t take too much of playing Rock Band to realize that playing the drums is really cool and fun. Neil Peart’s drum prowess was similarly convincing.
2) get into a good MPP program. Pretty self-explanatory. I’d be extra happy if I could do this without committing myself to colossal student debt.
3) be more relaxed and lighthearted. This one may strike some people as odd, as I am a characteristically lighthearted guy (too lighthearted, some might say). However, after some very trying months in DC, I feel that I need to make a conscious effort to develop a more relaxed, laughter-filled lifestyle.
4) consistent scripture study. Also pretty self-explanatory. I think and talk about the gospel all the time, but I feel that I’ve been shortchanging the Lord (and myself, obviously) in my inconsistency in studying His words.
5) up my style. This one is already under way, thanks in large part to my well-dressed roommates Dan and Matt and my fashion-conscious family members (thanks especially to Tiff for the generous infusion of China-made shirts. And thanks to Chairman Mao for laying the groundwork of China’s industrial might. It all starts with peasant-made steel! Mega-inside joke, which probably only Kyle will appreciate)
6) surround myself with people who help me improve and be happy. This one is similar to #3. Being without the safety net of nearby family members enjoyed while going to BYU (not to disregard Scott & Kristin in Delaware) has been a real test for me. It’s really helped me appreciate the necessity of being in close contact with good people. The pridefully independent side of me has had to take a backseat to this realization. Make no mistake, I still have plenty of prideful independence left over, but I am not chagrined to admit that I really need people – and if I really need people, why not make sure I choose some really good ones?
7) find 2 people for the missionaries to teach. Somewhat surprisingly, I’ve never set a goal like this as a non-missionary. I really hope I can exceed it!
8 ) be more practical and orderly. This one has been under way since graduating in 2007 and trying to make it on my own. I enjoyed a high degree of freedom and privilege as an undergrad, and thus could afford to be very metaphysical. It didn’t take long, however, to realize that deep thoughts truly don’t pay the bills in the real world, and that a clean, comfortable, and orderly lifestyle doesn’t create itself.
9) get my teeth fixed. I really need dental insurance and/or lots of extra cash.
10) create a home environment which invites the Spirit. This one has been weighing on me ever since moving into my current place back in August. Thankfully, my home environment has come a long way since then. Still, I recognize the need to better invite the Holy Spirit into my home through cleanliness, good music, plants that don’t wither and die on me, and non-ghetto furnishings. This is hard to do on a limited budget and while living with bachelors, but I know improvements can be made.
11) become a uniter of people. I mean this in the most non-cliche way possible: the world, starting with people like you and me, needs more unity. I find it especially bothersome that the LDS singles in the area aren’t more unified, although there are many factors which legitimize such a condition (i.e. geography, time constraints, the politics of dating, the transient DC culture, etc.). Anyway, I want to contribute to helping bring people together. This one could easily become overwhelming, so I’m gonna have to be smart about it.
12) write in my journal at least weekly. I still haven’t figured out which things to keep to my personal journal and which things are appropriate and useful to broadcast to the world on the internet, but blogging has definitely detracted from my journal writing. I’d appreciate anyone’s insights on balancing journal-writing with blogging.
13) chronicle my life with pictures. I finally joined the 21st century and got a digital camera. Now I have no excuse not to take pictures of lots of different things to spice this blog up!
14) get rid of junk. Related to #8. One thing that always depresses me about being home is the outrageous amount of junk we have stored away. According to Mom, a lot of it is mine, an assertion which I would like to dispute if we had better information (which is to say, if the actual boxes of stuff weren’t packed away like corpses in the catacombs – now there’s a pleasant thought!). But anyway, I’d like to sort out my old belongings, as well as curb my influx of new stuff.
15) simplify my life. Hard to measure, but definitely important! I’m unhappy when I have too much on my plate. Conversely, I’m unhappy when I have too little on my plate. In recent months, I have had no problem whatsoever with the latter, but definitely a problem with the former. Somehow, I need to figure out the ideal balance between being involved and being detached. Also, I have it on very good authority that I should be wise about my priorities, and place God and family first – it can be inferred that such prioritizing necessitates that I cut some fat, which might mean goodbye to #1 
16) make my fasting more meaningful. This can be accomplished quite readily by the simple act of knowing when it is the first Sunday of the month.
17) pursue and practice wisdom. Not to toot my own horn too much, but I think I’ve traditionally done pretty well about this one, perhaps with a slight imbalance on the “pursuit” side. Still, I love wisdom, and love to acquire more. Applying it is more difficult, but also something for which I strive.
18 ) promote increased spirituality in self and others. This one might be a little vague, as well as covered in some of the other goals, but I thought it sounded good
19) exercise twice a week. I admit, I don’t like to exercise. I think it’s a waste of time which could be spent doing something more fun or productive. However, since I’m not a pro basketball player nor a paid Wii Fit athlete (do those even exist yet?), I should probably just bite the bullet and do something active on a regular basis. Perhaps I’ll revive my old racquetball interest.
Phew, that was a long list!
